Why Cat Owners Make Awesome Husbands

From Dog Lover to Cat Owner
I grew up in a family partial to dogs. We always had a dog, but cats were strictly forbidden. I was raised to believe that all cats are sinister, selfish, sassy, and self-righteous, while dogs are loyal defenders and faithful friends.  Dogs are ideal companions for strong men and adventurous women, while any man who prefers cats over dogs must be a sissy, I reasoned.

Then I fell in love with a strong, masculine, naval lieutenant who has always preferred and owned cats. He and I agreed before getting married that there would be no cats living in our house. So his cat moved in with his parents, but she still managed to tear a chunk out of our toddler's arm during a Christmas visit years later which only intensified my cat ire.

But then....this past May at a pet day event where I was surrounded by gorgeous dogs, I met a fluffy white Siberian cat with blue eyes and the temperament of a dog whom I could not forget.

Philippians 2:3-4 kept running through my mind over the following weeks.

³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

I had been selfish. My husband and both of our kids desperately wanted a cat (although the youngest is allergic), and I was denying them their heart's desire.  So I confessed and sought to make restitution. With cat fever infecting my brain, I searched the entire country for a white Siberian kitten (like the one that kept appearing in a recurring dream my husband had been having) to give my husband as a Father's Day gift but gave up and ended up giving him a rescued white and gray kitten instead.  The way the gray markings on his back form a heart convinced me that I would grow to love him.

Since then, that expensive, destructive monster has destroyed our house and caused us to spend a small fortune on vet bills, toys, rug & furniture replacement or repair, Fancy Feasts, a deluxe five foot cat tree to keep him from continuing to rip apart our leather sofa and recliner (it did not work), and a host of cat training supplies and gear. Training him and cleaning up after him is time-consuming and complicated.

Yet, now that I have a cat in the house, I can see how the trials of cat ownership throughout my husband's premarital days helped mold him into the ideal mate. As the country song goes, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life," I say, "Let a cat owner make you his wife."  Since cats are said to have nine lives, I've listed nine reasons why marrying a cat owner has enriched my life as his wife.

Nine Reasons Why It is Advantageous to Marry a Man who Loves and Owns Cats

1.  Men who have owned cats are more likely to patiently pursue their wives.  Unlike dogs who are consistently loyal and loving by instinct, a cat's affection must be pursued and earned.  Cats are moody, sassy, and very unpredictable, yet a cat owner will go to great lengths to get his cat to come near him and purr.  Similarly, a cat owning husband will do whatever it takes to make his lady happy.  He loves to see her smile or hear her sing.  Throughout the animal kingdom we see males pursuing females.  Marriages are healthier when the man leads the pursuit and cherishes his wife through all her ups and downs.  A cat owner will never fully understand his cat or his wife, but he's okay with that and even delights in the enigma.
   
   
2. Men who have owned cats APPRECIATE more than they EXPECT.   Dogs are creatures of habit, so their owners expect the same behavior from them every day, whereas a cat owner never knows what he will find when he comes home. Thus, a man who owns a cat instead of a dog isn't conditioned to expect his wife to run up to greet him and jump on him when he comes home, nor does he expect her to spend the rest of the evening at his feet or by his side simply adoring him.  I'm not saying a wife shouldn't do some of those things, for a healthy marriage demands that a wife respect her husband and that he love her unconditionally (Ephesians 5:33), but when those actions by his wife are appreciated instead of merely expected, the wife experiences more joy in serving him, and the love tanks of both husband and wife are filled.
   
   
   
3. Cat owners do not demand an immaculate house.  Cat owners must learn to be forgiving when things break and to feel comfortable in an untidy house because cats consistently play in messy, destructive ways.  So when a wife needs to spend more time with the kids instead of cleaning, chooses to do a messy project while making lasting memories with the children, or simply needs to take a break for her own mental health, a cat owner will not complain when the house is temporarily neglected. 
   
4. Cat owners give amazing back rubs.  In their efforts to win the favor of their feline pets, men learn how and where to rub the cat's back and neck to make the cat purr.  So when he gets married, he knows how to find all the trigger points or sensitive areas to work out tight muscles, relax his wife's body and mind, and make her feel amazing.  Dogs are happy with a pat on the head or a vigorous belly rub, neither of which a woman wants, so dog owners do not have to master the art of gentle, sensitive touch like a cat owner does.
   
5. Cat owners value the importance of proper grooming.  If a kitten goes more than a week without a nail clipping and/or filing, life gets ugly.  Cat owners especially appreciate the diligence cats use to keep themselves clean and well groomed and often enjoy brushing or combing their cats' fur. A cat owner is more likely to give his wife the time and money required to properly groom herself.  (He's also the parent our daughter always chooses to comb out her tangles.)  Think manicures, pedicures, salon, and spa days, ladies!  :-)
   
   
   
   
6. Cat owners tend to be devoted, loving fathers and effective disciplinarians.  Training a cat to stay off counter tops, to stop scratching the leather furniture, to stay away from floral arrangements or breakable china or glassware, to stop chewing on designer rugs, or to stop pulling on the curtains requires consistent, relentless, firm, and loving discipline. A man who has successfully trained a cat to respect his property should be better able to effectively train a child in the way that is good and right.  A man who has won the trust of his cat has learned how to be a patient, strong yet gentle, nurturing, and kind father to children.  
   
7. Cat owners share bed space well. When our cat decides to sleep on our bed, he gets lots of exercise, attacking every toe that moves or racing across my chest with each deep breath. He constantly change positions and can be very distracting.  So, a cat owner grows accustomed to giving up most of the bed and is not the least bit bothered when he wakes up with a foot in his face (the cat's or his wife's).
   
   
8.  Cat owners respect boundaries.  Cats are very territorial, so a wise cat owner will learn not to intrude on the cat's boundaries lest lest the cat mark its territory again.  So cat owners are more willing to give up most of the closet space once a woman has marked it all as hers.  When a wife who tells a cat owner where her boundaries are, he is more likely to stay outside of them. 
   
9.  Cat owners think his wife's crazy quirks are charming.  Cats are exceedingly quirky critters. A cat owner can watch his cat spin around in circles all day long trying to capture it's tail yet find the cat all the more adorable.  When a wife finds herself running in circles as she tries to sort through overbooked schedules, extreme emotions, or perceived crises, a cat loving husband will watch with an adoring grin on his face, with amusement instead of frustration.
   
   

You are altogether beautiful

My precious 6th grader asked me to get up extra early each morning to study Bible passages she selects together...just us girls...in addition to what my husband and I have each been doing with both kids already. We began this morning, and imagine my alarm when she turned to Song of Songs, a sensual love story between a young bride and her groom (which is also an allegory of the Lord's immense love for His bride, the church).

She read, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." (Song of Songs 4:7) As we talked, she realized that even if we focus on just one small aspect of ourselves that we don't like and then beat ourselves up over that perceived flaw, we are essentially telling God His design wasn't good enough and are rejecting the truth of His word.

It is not prideful to acknowledge that all of God's creation is beautiful, wonderful, and marvelously made. It is prideful, however, to consider yourself better than another or to criticize yourself as a way of fishing for compliments. But to loathe yourself, refusing to believe that you are altogether lovely, is rebellion.

I wish I had known these truths at her age, for I did not like what I saw when I looked in the mirror at her age. I found so many flaws that no one else could see, for they were imaginary placed in my mind by the deceiver of this age who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  God's truth can completely vanquish any deceitful attack the enemy may hurl, so my prayer is that God's truth will be firmly planted in her heart.  My prayer is that she will never let the harshness and deceptiveness of this world distort her perception of her true beauty and infinite worth.  Open her eyes, dear Lord, to see herself as you see her, infinitely beautiful, lavishly loved by you, yet undeserving of your matchless grace.

How should we respond to America's moral descent?

Immorality in America has reached epic proportions. Government scandals and disasters, such as Hillary Clinton's illegal email crimes, Obama's Iran deal that no one wants but him and our enemies, extremely sensitive classified data leaked to China, Benghazi, Fast and Furious, IRS targeting and bullying, or illegal data collection on every U.S. citizen by the NSA, are being exposed almost on a daily basis but without any accountability or prosecution.

While I've long known of the atrocities committed by Planned Parenthood through my volunteer work with CareNet pregnancy life care facilities, the series of undercover investigative videos (the 5th one published this week) were so graphic and clearly representative of the utter disregard this postmodern culture has for sacred human life that you have to wonder why the government would direct $500 million of our tax dollars to this vile organization which peddles murder with a thin veneer of women's health services which are also provided by free health clinics.  And now that the AFA promises health care for everyone, why on earth would we need to keep funding these butcher shops?  80% of those brutally killed through abortion are black or Hispanic as Sanger intended. We could have cut racism by defunding Planned Infanticide, but now the blood of all those millions of slain babies is on the heads of the senators who opposed the bill to stop funding this madness.  Planned Parenthood bought out most of the Democratic party with blood money.

Who would buy intact body parts obtained by butchering a baby while he/she is still alive?  The Obama administration, of course.  Such depths of sin the human heart is capable of is outstanding and show all the the more what a huge price Christ paid for us all.

When we fail to learn from the mistakes of the past we will inevitably repeat them.

Not only is the right to abort (brutally dismembering) babies celebrated, but now college students are petitioning to legalize fourth term abortion.  The hardened hearts of American media viewers barely winched when a mainstream media host joined the radical let in suggesting that a birthed child isn't really alive until the parents decided that he is, even if the child is months or years old. As if the erosion of the traditional family and marriage (as defined when human life first began) through no fault divorce and homosexual marriage is not enough, even pedophiles are gaining support in Washington, DC for their efforts to pursue the same rights as homosexuals. With so much moral depravity eroding the foundations of America, Christians cannot help but consider what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah and wonder how long God will continue to spare America from the judgment due her.

Sexual immorality is especially rampant and glorified.  The SCOTUS overreached their limits of power and pretended to be "gods" as they "redefined" marriage in every state to mean just about anything that feels good  no matter how harmful it is to society. Now that pornography is available anywhere there is a digital signal, sexual addiction has become an epidemic, destroying families and communities. Divorce rates are over 50%, with over half of all children growing up in broken homes without the stable, healthy influence of both a loving mother and a devoted father. Sex crimes like those of Anthony Wiener, Bill Clinton, and San Diego Mayor Bill Filner have been covered up, applauded, and/or dismissed as trivial instead of punished.

Biblical prophecies foretold that these days of reckless immorality would come.

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ² People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³ without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴ treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— ⁵ having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. ⁶ They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, ⁷ always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. ⁸ Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these teachers oppose the truth. They are men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. ⁹ But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.
(2 Timothy 3: 1-8)

So what should Christians do about it? What are Biblical responses to such evil? The following list offers a few suggestions.

1. Abide in Christ

Continue abiding in Christ by studying and meditating on His word, seeking Him through prayer, and obeying His commands no matter what persecutions may come.

In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evildoers and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3: 12-17)

2.  Make disciples.

Remember that despite the depravity in America, God is still at work. The reason Christ came into the world was to see and save the lost (Luke 19:10). Continue to pray for unbelievers and extend God's love to them, for there is much rejoicing in Heaven when a lost sheep comes home (Luke 15:3-7).

Consider Brittni Ruiz, who is known in the porn industry as Jenna Presley. After seven years as a popular porn star, prostitute, and abuser of drugs and alcohol, after watching her boyfriend knifed to death in front of her, and after several failed suicide attempts, she encountered the unconditional love of God through the ministry of XXXchurch and was changed forever by the saving work of Jesus Christ.

"I never found love in my life and was looking for it in all the wrong places … I have finally encountered the unconditional love of God, and I will never go back,” she said. (Credit: The Blaze)

Each day brings the end one day closer, so be urgent about sharing the gospel and strengthening believers in the faith (Matthew 28: 18-20).

3.  Look for God's miracles.

Look for God's powerful hand at work as He performs miracles of the soul, mind, and body. Taking time to truly see God moving and working through events, circumstances, and changed lives gives encouragement and hope while strengthening believers' faith. 

Official 112th Congress portrait of Jaime Herrera Beutler provided by U.S. Congress via Wikipedia.

Consider Washington state Representative Jaime Herrera Beutler's newborn daughter, Abigail. Beutler's unborn baby was diagnosed with Potter's Syndrome, which is almost always fatal for the baby. So, instead of terminating the pregnancy as doctors typically advise, Jaime and her husband began praying for a miracle. After a series of risky, trial saline treatments via amnioinfusion, the baby was born at only 28 weeks into the pregnancy. To the amazement of the medical team, Abigail's lungs were healthy enough at birth to breathe on her own, a first for any baby born with bilateral renal agenesis. Abigail needs regular dialysis and will need a kidney transplant at some point, but weeks after her birth, she continues to defy all odds. (Credit: Life News)

4.  Hold leaders accountable.

Unchecked sin will always lead to more sin and corruption. When leaders, who serve as role models, are not held accountable and fall into immorality, sin will increase across society. The only way to hold back the tidal wave of sin is to exact justice from evil doers, especially those in leadership positions.

When the press made light of Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky, fewer college student viewed oral sex as actual sex. This skewed definition lowered taboos against it and resulted in increased oral sex activity among students. Instead of withdrawing from the mayoral race to seek more counseling for his serious and continuing sexting addiction, Anthony Weiner's addiction was enabled by his wife's alleged support and by the 78% of young women polled who still approve of him. San Diego Mayor Filner has been sexual harassing women as far back as 1979, yet instead of holding him accountable and encouraging him to get help to prevent future crimes, his party members have been covering his sins for decades while numerous women have fallen prey to his abuses. Examples such as these deceive people into believing that sin has no consequences. Such a false belief will only lead to increasing immorality.

Christians must stop overlooking such unacceptable behavior. They must demand that justice be meted while holding those within the church accountable. When Christ's righteousness shines into the darkness (Daniel 12:3) and Christ followers live above reproach by the power of the Spirit within them, then the rushing tide of immorality will turn back.

As long as the government is allowed to remove basic freedoms such as freedom of the press, free speech, freedom of religion, or the right to bear arms or to safeguard personal privacy, and as long as officials are not punished for violating Constitutional law, the government will continue to remove every freedom it chooses while violating any laws that stand in the way, even the U.S. Constitution itself which establishes each entity's power. Citizens must insist that justice be administered quickly, that checks and balances be enforced, and that liars who cover-up the truth be prosecuted. Those who lost loved ones through these scandals especially deserve to know the truth. Any guilty party involved in these scandals must be tried and convicted in a timely manner as with the Watergate scandal. Elected officials must understand that no one is above the law.

When the justice system functions as originally intended, convictions deter future crimes while protecting the innocent. Once Gosnell was finally convicted of his many crimes against women and heinous acts against children, 42 abortion clinics in North Carolina have been shut down due to health violations while a clinic on the scale of Gosnell's is being tried in Delaware. Planned Parenthood was recently convicted of a $12.5M Medicaid fraud. These recent examples demonstrate the purifying effect of justice that is consistently administered.

 

5. Pray continually.

In times of great evil, Christians must pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). With full knowledge that Christ has ultimately defeated evil, give thanks for the victory He freely gives. Pray in the Spirit in all occasions for all people, especially for those in positions of authority (Ephesians 6: 18-20). Pray for wisdom and strength to live for Christ in this dark world. Pray for revival and for God's will to do be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Be quick to repent and to extend forgiveness. Pray for protection from evil while clinging to Christ's righteousness (Luke 11:1-4).


Originally published by Examiner.com

Pool Modesty (Part 4): Teen Talk

Part 3 of this series on modesty discussed key principles for training a child’s heart to value purity and modesty. While a child's dress may be of great concern to a parent, the core concern should be the motives of the child's heart. As teenagers transition from childhood to adulthood, they begin thinking more independently and making their own decisions. Parents should celebrate when their teens make good choices and pray fervently when they do not. Parents face the added challenge during the child's teen years of guiding their teen into the way of righteousness without becoming too controlling. Christian parents must daily entrust their children into God's loving protection even when God's timing and plan are not what they would prefer.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Seasoned parents note that ideally, the parent and teen should work together to establish modesty standards for their family using Biblical principles and selfless motivations. After humble prayer and careful examination of the Biblical precepts regarding modesty (see part 2), each family should establish a clear standard before shopping for swimwear. Each family may have a different standard, so Christians must be careful not to judge others.

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One standard set by Christian families is to disallow bikinis. A teen girl is more inclined to accept this standard if it has been consistently modeled all along by her mother. It also helps if the mother has always avoided buying bikinis for her daughter. While babies and toddlers do look adorable in two-piece swim suits that show off their cute round bellies, teen girls may question why bikinis suddenly became unacceptable once they reached adolescence. Hannah, a local Christian teen, explained her reasons for supporting the "no bikinis" rule in her recent blog post entitled, "Staying Cool at a Pool While Not a Fool".

Higher Ground Summer Camp has a no two-piece swimwear policy for their pool. The exception is if the two-piece is worn with a cover-up. Some families have established standards that exclude two-piece or one-piece swimsuits that cover no more than underwear. For other Christian families, bikinis are acceptable in the privacy of their own pool, but shirt and shorts or skirt must be worn in mixed company, and posting bikini photos on the internet is strictly forbidden.

Tankinis that cover the belly and do not have deep V-neck cuts worn with swim shorts or skirts are a popular compromise for Christian families. Land's End and Lime Ricky offer a variety of modest yet fashionable tankinis, shorts, and skirts. The Swim Outlet also offers a great selection of tankinis and board shorts.

Rash guard shirts, sold by rashguardshirtco.com and The Swimwear Outlet, are modest options for both guys and girls. These shirts are popular because they provide excellent sun protection in a trendy surfer style. Families who choose a more modest standard will appreciate Swimmodest.com which offers cute swimwear that covers the shoulders, thighs, and tops of the arms while providing superior sun protection. Swim Modest's women's swimwear look like a cute tropical sundresses. The men's line includes fashionable long trunks and swim shirts. Perhaps the most modest swimwear provider is Wholesome Wear.

What if a parent and a teen cannot come to an agreement regarding an acceptable standard for swimwear?  Some parents have noted the increased risks of skin cancer associated with immodest clothing. Other parents remind their teens that immodest swimwear is often uncomfortable or awkward to wear. Skimpy swimsuit wearers must be careful when they walk or bend so as not to reveal more than they intend. They must also use caution when swimming or diving lest the swimsuit shift out of place or fall off completely. Parents have asked their teens if they would feel comfortable shopping at the grocery store or answering a knock on the front door while wearing only their underwear and then asked how wearing a bikini to the pool is any different. Christian parents have also asked their teens probing questions to address the heart of the issue. For example, a parent might say, "I understand that you want to wear a bikini. Can you explain to me why you would feel better wearing a bikini than a more modest swimsuit?" Parents who remain calm and genuinely seek to understand the child's heart in the matter are usually better able to address the core issue and help the teen uncover her true motivations. When the teen still insists on following her own way, then the parent must pray and steadfastly trust the Lord to work on her heart in His perfect timing.

Romans 8:28(NIV)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Pool Modesty (Part 3): Parenting Principles

When seasoned parents were asked to share practical advice for training children to make wise choices regarding modesty, they listed prayer as the most important and most effective thing parents can do for their children. They also noted that parents should focus on helping their children understand that they have are priceless, intended for purity, and their father's priority.

Priceless
Parents can begin training a child’s heart to prefer modesty during the child’s earliest years. Parents must help their children understand that they are lavishly loved by God and have infinite worth in His sight. Singing songs like “Jesus Loves Me” together as part of the child's bedtime routine helps reinforce this truth. While little children may be too young to comprehend the ultimate price Christ paid for them on the cross, when John 3:16 and other Bible verses about God’s love are repeated to them often during childhood, the reality of their infinite value begins to take root in their hearts.

When a little girl enters the princess stage, she is especially receptive to learning that as a daughter of the King of Kings, she is the ultimate princess. Since fairy tales tend to place far too much emphasis on outer beauty, parents should help children understand that true beauty comes from within. Kathryn O'Brien’s book, I’d Be Your Princess: A Royal Tale of Godly Character, is an excellent book to read to girls at this age because it teaches girls to value inner character over outward beauty. Kids love this book because it includes beautiful illustrations and a fun imaginative narration. O’Brien also wrote a companion book for boys entitled I’d Be Your Hero: A Royal Tale of Godly Character.

Purposed for Purity
Once girls being to understand their infinite worth in Christ, the implications of God's possession of them become more apparent.

1 Corinthians 6:20
You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

God purposed His people for purity. Parents should teach each child that his or her body belongs to God and is a gift that should be protected and kept pure for his or her future spouse. Teens can look on ebay and quickly observe that used items are priced much lower than brand new items sold in-the-box. If God paid so high a price to purify His people from their sins, why would anyone want to do anything that would devalue himself or herself in the eyes of man? Those who dress or act immodestly are throwing off the box and allowing their bodies to be used by multiple people as "eye-candy" or worse.

One parent used a rose analogy to teach his daughter to value modesty. Roses in full bloom are beautiful. When a woman exposes her body, it is like plucking off rose petals to share with others. As a result, she will not be able to bring her full bloom best to her forever mate. It would have been much better if she had safeguarded her petals by purposefully remaining pure.

Another parent instructed his daughter by taking her outside to observe nature. They noted together that in nature, the male seeks to impress the female. For example, the male peacock struts with his feathers out to get the female's attention. Men should pursue women instead of women trying to attract men. A godly man may notice a woman dressed immodestly, but he will seek a more modestly dressed and virtuous woman to become his wife.

Proverbs 12:4
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Helpful books regarding this subject include Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot and Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America by Jeff Pollard.

Papa's Priority
Parents must never underestimate the role of the father in helping their daughters value modesty. Counselors at crisis pregnancy centers have noted that most of their clients come from homes where the father is either physically or emotionally absent. Girls who do not receive the love, attention, affection, and affirmation they earnestly desire from their fathers will go to great lengths to get this attention, affection and affirmation elsewhere. These girls quickly learn that nothing gets a boy's attention faster than dressing immodestly. Unfortunately, the attention each of these girls receives is usually not the healthy kind that her heart desperately needs, so she ends up with a broken heart and all too often, an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. Fathers must make conscious efforts to tangibly express love to their daughters. Spending quality time with his daughter must be a father's priority. His daughter still needs his affection when she is a teenager. She needs to hear him praise her and tell her how much she means to him. Additionally, a faithful father who honors his wife and values purity sets a wonderful example for his daughter of the type of man she should consider for marriage some day.

http://office.microsoft.com (Image # MP900431191)

Once these three principles are in place, a teen girl is more likely to choose modest clothing. However, nothing parents do can guarantee that their daughters will make wise choices regarding personal modesty, so parents should avoid false guilt over that which is beyond their control.

The last installment of this series will address the scenario in which the child rejects the parents' standard for modest dress.

Pool Modesty (Part 2): Biblical Analysis

Part one in this series on pool modesty looked at the varying opinions held by parents, youth workers, teen guys, and women regarding the cultural shift toward less modest swimwear. This installment will focus on what the Bible has to say about modesty.

Image by Vortix

The word "modest" is only used once in the Bible within the context of female dress.

1 Timothy 2:9-10 (NIV)
I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

In this passage, women are encouraged not to place too much emphasis on physical appearance and adornments so as to draw attention to themselves. Modesty is associated with "decency and propriety", but these broad terms do not specifically indicate which parts of the body must be covered or how loosely those coverings should be in any given setting. This passage does make it clear, however, that a woman's focus must be on worshiping and serving the Lord rather than herself.

The Bible teaches that true beauty comes from within. The ministry, Revive Our Hearts, published an article entitled, True Beauty, which contrasts attention to inner beauty, which pleases the Lord, with outer beauty, which pleases the world. While the Lord judges the heart and not the outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7), the way a woman dresses and attends to her physical appearance is reflective of the motivations of her heart. This article includes a "heart checklist" to help a woman determine whether she has made outer beauty or inner beauty her priority.

1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

The Bible exhorts men not to look at women lustfully and even goes so far as to equate lust to adultery.

Matthew 5:28 (NIV)
28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

So, if a Christian woman strives to put others before herself, is the Bible suggesting that she should choose clothing that is least likely to tempt a man to lust?

Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV)
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.

Christian parents and youth workers point to Luke 17:1-3 for the answer. No one can walk through life without facing temptation. Trials in life are a given. Nevertheless, Christians are called in this passage to avoid becoming stumbling blocks for fellow believers. Since men vary in their degrees of perceived temptation, women cannot always be certain that they are not causing someone to stumble. However, women who are concerned for the men around them can use common sense and pray for discernment as they decide what they will wear in public.

Luke 17:1-3 (NIV)
Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves.

Another popular passage of scripture that Christians reference regarding disputable matters is Romans 14. Each Christ follower, while granted perfect liberty in Christ, may impose upon himself or herself additional personal restrictions for the glory of God. When someone lays down a liberty out of personal conviction rather than Biblical mandate, then that person must not impose his or her conviction onto someone else. Each person is individually accountable to God. This passage in Romans teaches believers to commit the matter to the Lord and make choices based on a desire to honor Him. Each person must remain true to his or her personal Christ honoring convictions without casting judgment upon others.

Romans 14:13 (NIV)
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.

One woman may consider a tankini to be appropriate dress for a community pool while another may insist on nothing less than a loose-fitting rash-guard tee with knee-length shorts or skirt. Some men have trained themselves to look away and can avoid lustful thoughts at the pool while other men find it necessary to stay away from the pool altogether. Each person's standard may be different, but what matters most to God is the motive of the heart.

Romans 14:19 and 22 (NIV)
19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

Part 3 of this series will share principles for training children to value modesty.


This series was published by Examiner.com and is being republished with permission.

Pool Modesty (Part 1): He thinks....she thinks...

Discussions and debates about pool modesty surface every summer.  Many Christian parents, youth ministers and even teen boys are frustrated that the culture has established such skimpy swimwear as the norm for female pool fashion. Many bikinis are less modest than underwear. Some one-piece swimsuits are just as revealing as bikinis with dramatic cut-outs, low necklines, and high cuts around the hips. Guys also face modesty conerns of their own as they don regulation jockey style swimsuits for swim team. While these suits reduce friction in the water, some boys admit feeling embarrassed and quickly pull on shorts whenever they finish their laps.

By Rufino Uribe via Wikimedia Commons

If skimpy swimwear is the social standard in America, why are people so upset over it?   If America is a land of freedom and personal liberty, standing as the antithesis of those countries requiring women to wear burkas, why should it matter what people wear at the pool? Are Christians concerned only about the outward attire, or is the fundamental problem a heart matter?

This series of blog posts on pool modesty will address the following concerns:

• How does a woman’s immodest dress affect guys?
• Why should Christian women concern themselves with this issue if it is a man’s problem?
• Why do women wear skimpy swimsuits?
• What Biblical principles relate to pool modesty?
• What are some helpful tips for parents as they address this issue with their children?
• What attractive yet modest swimwear alternatives are available?
• What books or other resources offer additional guidance on this issue?

Dictionary.com defines “modesty” as “freedom from vanity or boastfulness”, “decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.”, and “simplicity or moderation”. One Christian mom referenced the following quote from an unknown author when attempting to define modesty.

“If what you wear draws attention to your face and thereby is a way to point others to Christ through your spirit, then you are modest. If, however, how you dress draws attention to your body and away from your face, then that is not modesty."

Men are extremely visual by nature. When a guy sees a woman dressed in revealing swimwear, he does not typically or readily focus on her face. For some guys, it takes a skimpy bikini to get him focused on her body. For other guys, a tankini is enough to send his thoughts away from her face. College pastor, Sammy Adebiyi, wrote an impassioned and blunt plea to women to dress modestly and to stop posting bikini pictures on Facebook in his piece entitled Bikinis, Soft Porn, Masturbation & Facebook. He explains that a man tends to view a scantily clad woman as a “piece of meat”. When a man is focused on a woman's body, he does not think about her person. Many Christian men struggle to look away and keep their thoughts pure when surrounded by bikinis at the pool. One local teen asked his mother, “Why do girls have so little respect for the boys at the pool?” Another young guy nearby implored his parents not to get a pool membership this year. He would rather give up swimming than be surrounded by temptation.

Lisa Bloom, author of the secular book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, is alarmed by the effect that society’s emphasis on physical beauty is having on the female mind and on her role in society. She describes ways to gradually shift this focus away from the body to the mind in her article, How to Talk to Little Girls. By drawing attention to their physical bodies, girls are inadvertently dehumanizing themselves. Inanimate things are pretty and delightful to the senses. All living animals are sexual in some form or fashion. But only a human being possesses a logical mind, dynamic emotions and an eternal soul.

Most teen girls dress immodestly at the pool simply because it is the social norm without considering how their attire could be serving to devalue them in the eyes of men. Wearing a bikini will certainly draw a guy’s attention, but it is usually not the type of attention that girls desire. Girls want to be cherished and loved, but guys may perceive a girl's immodest dress as an invitation to misuse her body in their minds or through physical touch without any regard for her heart, spirit or mind.

Many girls, regardless of their degree of perceived physical beauty, feel self-conscious while wearing a bikini. However, as they see others around them, including Christians and mature women, dressed in skimpy attire, the initial discomfort eases as their hearts grow accustomed to that style of dress, just as watching violent or profane movies repeatedly will numb the mind and heart to shocking material in the future.

Some women choose less modest clothing because they have gone to great lengths to achieve an attractive toned body, and they are eager to show off their achievements to everyone else. These women feel like their efforts deserve to be rewarded with admiration from others. Instead of inspiring admiration, however, their public display often just makes other women jealous while causing men to stumble into lustful thoughts.

1 Corinthians 15: 12-13 teaches that Christians have no right to judge unbelievers, and they must be careful not to argue over disputable matters. God does not judge His people by their outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7), so choice of swimwear is not a salvation issue. Many young women simply do not understand how their attire could impact the spiritual battles facing men. Others recognize that each guy has his own unique set of issues, so living in such a way as to never make someone stumble seems impossible. Should women even consider how their clothing choices affect men?

Part 2 of this series explores that question from a Biblical perspective.

This series was originally published by Examiner.com and is being republished with permission.

Scientific Laws of Nature vs. Natural Moral Laws

Some other moms and I took our daughters, who are entering middle school next week, away for the weekend as part of our Princess and the Kiss Bible study group.  The lessons we covered with them on submission and feelings seem so apropos for our culture today.

Vineyard view at the retreat

Feelings are volatile, ever changing, often deceptive, and beat us up like the rough ocean waves (James 1:6), while God's absolute truth never changes, always protects, and works for the greater good.   As we showed our girls the wisdom in making choices based on truth instead of feelings, we had to apologize for handing them a postmodern world in which illogical, unreasonable feelings are the ever changing standard instead of God's moral law which He has placed in the heart of every human being. 

Roasting marshmallows under a blue moon at our mother/daughter retreat

We live in the most technologically advanced society ever because we have respected the scientific laws of nature, yet by refusing to acknowledge fundamental natural moral laws embedded in the heart of every human being, we have regressed more morally than ever before in America. Scientific/technological breakthroughs always begin with a healthy respect for the laws of nature. The Wright Brothers never would have taken flight had they ignored the law of gravity. Any attempt at flight while ignoring gravity because it was inconvenient would have been disastrous. Men sent on space missions never would have safely re-entered earth's atmosphere had NASA ignored the fact that objects moving at high speeds entering the earth's atmosphere cause tremendous friction and heat. Understanding that the spacecraft would burn up upon entering the earth's atmosphere, NASA applied heat shields and calculated precise angles necessary for safe re-entry. 

Yet, after thousands of years of testing natural moral laws and learning that they are always for our protection, peace, and well-being, our culture has decided to ignore them. In our postmodern culture, feelings trump facts. Those who have chosen to ignore this moral law do what feels good instead of what we all know innately is right. When the fleeting good feelings fade, however, and peace seems further out of reach, the blame is placed on those who do not approve of such choices. Feelings insist that one can have both peace and whatever those feelings desire as soon as those choices receive 100% validation from every person, institution, and government body. Yet, peace apart from the natural moral law will never come. Government funding and social acceptance of Planned Parenthood's practice of tearing unborn babies apart or blasting them to bits, depending upon how much each of those parts is worth on the black market, does not make it right or change the fact that the aborted child is a sacred human life. Supreme court rulings and federal mandates do not change the fact that certain lifestyle choices are harmful physically, spiritually, and socially.

Whenever we ignore the common moral law or scientific laws of nature, harm follows. The truth isn't always convenient or desirable at the moment, but it is always for our greater good.  Whereas the culture constantly seeks validation for harmful lifestyle choices, those who surrender to God's truth need no outside validation whatsoever. They know who they are and whose they are and what anyone else thinks is irrelevant. Feelings come and go, but the truth is what really matters. When we anchor ourselves in God's truth, the wind and waves do not move or upset us. The truth is that each of us is loved lavishly by a good and gracious God who died to set us free from those desires that take us captive. If we submit to His truth, He will set us  free and give us peace that surpasses all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

³¹ So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, ³² and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  (John 8:31-32)