Our Love Story (Part 9): Full Circle

(Last installment of the story that begins here) 

This last installment of our love story series will end where it began. It seems appropriate to conclude the series at the wedding altar with the exchanging of wedding rings, each of which form a full circle. Circular wedding bands have no endpoint just as the love of God is lavished upon us is without end. Similarly, through earthly marriage, we are to illustrate God's love and commitment toward His people by living out our marriage vows faithfully and unconditionally without ceasing while we remain on earth.

Engagement
We spent our engagement period preparing for the wedding and most importantly, preparing for marriage. We are so thankful for the 14-week marriage training class offered by our church.  Americans typically spend between 2 and 10 years in college preparing for careers that will change five to seven times on average during their working years. Yet, most couples spend no time preparing for the lifelong commitment of marriage. Those 14 weeks pale in comparison to each of our 6+ years of college career preparation, but we certainly did learn a lot about one another during that time.  We were shocked by how completely different we are in so many areas.  We did not score high on the compatibility test at all, so we used that time to work through those differences and to learn how those differences can make our marriage stronger if we are willing to celebrate them instead of letting them tear us apart. After the marriage preparation class, we were paired up with a mentor couple who had similar personalities and compatibility profiles as our own. They met with us regularly during our first year of marriage to help us begin our life together on the best footing possible.  We are so grateful for their investment into our marriage.

After working through the difficult parts of that marriage preparation course, I began to have some doubts. A lifetime commitment to one person must be taken very seriously, so I wrestled in my heart to make sure I was ready for such a permanent commitment.  We both spent much time on our knees during that preparation period.

When the day of the wedding came, all doubts had been vanquished. I have struggled with insomnia my entire life and especially have trouble sleeping before exciting new or big events. Yet, the night before the wedding, I slept soundly because my heart was at peace. 

Wedding Day

DC and I had planned to pray together right before the wedding. Since it was considered taboo to see each other right before the wedding, he called me on my cell phone while I was in the bridal room. I was in my dress by that point, but I still knelt down on the floor, surprisingly without any concern over how dirty my dress might become, so we could pray together, asking that God would be glorified during our wedding. Too often, weddings are all about the couple getting married with little attention given to the Creator of marriage. God had worked miraculously in our lives to bring us together. We knew our marriage was intended to point people to Christ, so we prayed for His glory to shine throughout the wedding and our marriage. 

“'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.'  (Ephesians 5:31-32)

The wedding went smoothly, and my home church pastor invested much thought and prayer into making our wedding a worship service as we had requested.  He could not have delivered a more perfect message.  My favorite musicians played. A gifted soloist and longtime family friend sang, and over 300 people in attendance stood to sing songs of worship with us. It was glorious!  

An especially tender moment during the wedding occurred after I had walked up to the altar but before we said our vows and exchanged our rings.  The pastor reminded the crowd that DC sang with the USNA Glee club in that same spot near the altar over nine years ago during the weekend we first met as described in part 1 of this series. Then he gave DC the microphone, and DC sweetly sang the song, "If You Could See What I See" by Geoff Moore and the Distance.  DC held it together quite well during the song until I whispered the words, "I love you!" near the end of the song which made his voice quiver and my cheeks blush.

DC singing during our wedding

With that song, we have come full circle. I am now at the end of this blog series, but it only marks the beginning of our lifelong love story. Our love grows deeper and richer year after year as we keep Christ in the center of our marriage like a triangle with Christ at the top and each of us at each of the other two points.  As we look to Christ and move closer to Him, we draw closer to one another. (Ecclesiastes 4:12) We are forever grateful to the Lord for writing our love story. 

Life Lessons 

• Make Biblical marriage counseling and preparation a priority before marriage.  Not only will it help prevent much turmoil and pain, it very well may save your marriage.

• Acknowledge that marriage was intended to paint a picture of Christ's relationship with his bride, the church.  Love and respect each other as Christ loves the church.
  (Revelation 19:7)

• The best way to maintain a healthy marriage is to keep Christ in the center of it.  Pray, study God's word, and worship Him together.  Seek the Lord together for every family decision.

Our Love Story (Part 8): Counting the Costs

(Continuation of the story that starts here) 

"For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?"  (Luke 14:28)

After the trip to meet DC's family, I was ready to commit to him no matter what the cost.  However, just as the man in the parable of the hidden treasure sold everything he had to buy the field where his treasure was hidden, I knew that life's greatest treasures are costly.

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."  (Matthew 13:44)

DC began his new job in June and drove almost five hours each way to see me during many of the weekends that followed.  Sometimes, I would drive up to meet him at my parents' home.  When I came to see him, we attended the church I had attended in college that had meant so much to me during those formative years. DC joined the choir and praise team, and whenever I would see him singing on stage, I would remember that first weekend we met and get goosebumps.

DC knew that I believed it was prudent to date for at least a full year before getting engaged so as to see one another in all seasons and to make sure what we were seeing in each other was genuine and not a false pretense.  However, he also knew that we would remain many hours apart until he placed a ring on my finger. The long drives and the grueling weeks spent apart were becoming harder to endure. 

Late one summer evening, DC arrived at my house unexpectedly.  Tired from an exhausting work week and donning no makeup, I got home from a friend's house just in time for him to ring the doorbell.  He wasted no time with idle chitchat.  He handed me a big box of Godiva chocolates. I wasn't hungry, so I set the box aside, but he urged me take at least one piece.  I had been struggling with insomnia and insisted that I should not have any chocolate so late in the evening. Then he got down on both knees, so I knew I just had to open the box!  Inside, I found an oval shaped diamond we had both admired while window shopping during our last weekend spent together in my parents' home town. The date was July 29.  We had only been dating for a little over two months since he came to visit for the first time in over eight years. So after my initial shock, I accepted his proposal. And then rose petals dropped from the sky as a choir sang the Hallelujah Chorus.

Okay, so that last sentence may be a bit of an embellishment!

I was so surprised that I didn't think to take any photos of that special moment. We tried to set a wedding date for early the following year, but we ended up postponing our date to June 9 to better accommodate his family members' schedules.

When DC returned to his apartment, be began cleaning out boxes from his recent move. He came across a letter (see part 4) I had written to him a few months after our break-up. I had concluded the letter with these words, "If only we could have met nine years later."  We found it interesting that we would be getting married nine years after we first met.  God knew how our story would end when I wrote that letter so long ago.

After lots of rejoicing and announcing our news, I began making some tough decisions.  I had never been a quitter. Yet, after our engagement, I dropped my seminary class and withdrew from graduate school where I was working towards an MBA. I began looking for jobs near DC's home and put a "for sale" sign in my yard. I found a job with a start-up tech company that seemed ideal during the dot.com boom.  It was an exciting, albeit risky, opportunity in the technology industry. So I quit my job in the fall and dropped the big project that would have launched my career into an exciting new direction.

In November of that same year, I moved in with my parents after having been on my own for the past nine years (tTis relationship cost them too!) so that I could start the new job.  The new job was located halfway between my parents' house and DC's rental house.  My workdays were long and stressful, and the traffic during commutes wore on my nerves. At least I was living only 90 minutes from DC and could see him more easily during the weekends.

I immediately noticed that the company's expenses far exceeded revenues, yet the start-up continued to add employees after me. I did not have enough authority to do anything about the red numbers and was dumbfounded by the extravagant Christmas party the company threw at the end of the year. Three months after my start date, I came to work to find an armed security guard at the front door. Within the next two hours, 80% of the company's workforce had been laid off, including me. That company shut down completely over the next two months.

I drove to DC's apartment after the layoff feeling utterly confused.  My house had not sold yet, so I still had mortgage payments to make.  I had given up a job I loved where I had so much opportunity for growth and promotion. I had given up graduate school with plans to transfer those credits to a university near DC's work, but that university would not accept the credits and wanted me to start over. I had invested countless hours of study and classroom time into that degree, and it now all seemed wasted. I had left my closest friends and my church family. 

DC prayed with me and promised to provide for me with the resources God would give him.  This new path I had taken would require a loss of my own stubborn independence.  God was preparing me for the submission, sacrifice and extra faith that a healthy marriage requires.

The following weekend, I received an offer on my house which meant that my mortgage payments ended at the same time I stopped receiving a pay check. God was so gracious to tangibly show me I can trust Him to provide for me when life takes an unexpected turn.

My old bedroom at Mom and Dad's house became my base of operations for wedding planning and job searching. Within a few weeks, I had found a new job much closer to the house DC and I were building.  Since I would be working too far from Mom and Dad's house, the new company provided me with temporary housing until we closed on our new house. I moved into the new house at the end of April, and DC joined me after our wedding in June. 

The new job location was ideal, and the work was enjoyable. That job gave me many opportunities to gain new skills without all the stress I experienced at the start-up.  It also provided me with a slight pay increase that offset the income I had lost during the lay-off period almost exactly. It was as if God had given me six weeks of paid leave to plan our wedding. With a start date in early April, I would not have accrued enough vacation for our prepaid honeymoon in June, but the company even gave me an advance on my vacation.  Everything had fallen into place.

I also gave up competitive running after DC and I got engaged since it took too much time away from him. I have only run one race in all our years of marriage.  Giving up racing wasn't nearly as difficult as I had imagined it might be, for my priorities had changed.

Life Lessons

• When God closes a door, a better one is usually about to open.

• Trust that God's treasures are always worth the costs.

• Trust God with every detail of your life.  He is ultimately in control, and His plans are far better than yours.

  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  (Jeremiah 29:11-12)

To continue to part 9, the last installment of this series, click here.

Our Love Story (Part 7): Meet the Parents

(Continuation of the story that starts here) 

DC and I had just had the most amazing weekend together and hoped our relationship would actually go somewhere this time. After hearing "no" so many times over the past eight years, however, I was still hesitant about committing to a relationship with him.  Over the next week, we emailed one another frequently. I had a business trip scheduled the following week that would put me closer to his family. I could save my company considerable travel expense if I waited until Monday to fly back home, so on Friday, I took a short flight in a puddle jumper to the nearest airport to his parents' home. He had won my parents' favor over eight years ago. Now I had the opportunity to spend the weekend getting to know his family.  

That trip to meet his parents was a huge catapult for our relationship. From marathon running to crisis pregnancy volunteer work, I shared much in common with his father and mother who immediately made me feel welcomed and accepted.  An incident involving a truck full of stinky chicken feed may have embarrassed DC, but it was a blessing for me because it immediately took away any pressure I may have placed upon myself to win his family's favor. I was free then to simply focus on getting to know DC within the context of his family.

Despite the fact that DC had been away from home for most of the past nine years, he seemed incredibly close to his family, and I could tell that they go to great lengths to spend quality time together. His family welcomed me with wonderful kindness and hospitality. I could tell that they cared deeply for one another and for others. His brothers reminded me of my own brother with their fun hilarity. What struck me most during that trip was the way DC's father treated DC's mother and the way DC's married brother treated his wife. I then knew that DC came from a home where devotion to God, marriage, and family were modeled and valued. That trip sealed the deal for me. I was ready to commit to a relationship with DC no matter how wild the ride ahead may be.

DC's family takes a wild ride together.

 Life Lesson

• Before committing to a serious relationship, prayerfully consider your partner's family and seek their approval of your relationship. While there are certainly exceptions, the odds of having a healthy and happy marriage are higher if you marry someone raised in a strong, loving family.  A man often becomes like his father. The way his father treats his mother is indicative of how he will treat his wife.  A man who respects his mother is more likely to respect his wife. The values modeled in his parents' home are often the same values he will uphold in his own home. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it."  (Proverbs 22:6 NASB)

To continue to part 8, click here.

Our Love Story (Part 6): A Hint of Harlequin

(Continuation of the story that starts here) 

While I expected DC to choose the job offer closest to his family, he chose the job closest to my family since he saw more growth potential in that particular industry. (That's his story anyway. His mom blames me for his decision to work and live so far from home.)  I was thrilled that he would be closer to me, but he would still be living five hours away by car. I had worked really hard to establish myself. I was half-way through an MBA program and had up to two years left on a multi-million dollar project at work that would catapult my career, so I had no desire to move.

DC called to tell me that after finding an apartment near his new job, he might stop by "on his way" to his parents' house where he would spend the rest of his vacation before his new job began. I told him that would be fine but giggled to myself knowing that my house was actually several hours out of his way. 

While I eagerly arranged for his accommodations, cleaned my house from top to bottom (baseboards, oven, blinds, everything!), and put together an itinerary, he continued his long drive through multiple states. Instead of listening to music during his drive as usual, he listened to the Lord. He prayed like never before, and God did some serious work in his heart that led him to renew his commitment to the Lord.

He spent three days in the beautiful city I called home, and our time together was perfectly magical. I gave him a city tour, and we dined at restaurants I knew he would enjoy most based on our time together eight years earlier.  We went hiking through a gorgeous park and reclined along the rocks overlooking a pretty water fall where we enjoyed the mild spring weather and the peaceful sounds of the water tumbling over the rocks.

On Saturday, we drove to a unique chapel built into the side of a mountain where the views are breathtaking.  There we enjoyed a perfect picnic lunch.

DC went with me to church on Sunday. The worship touched his heart so much that tears welled up in his eyes. When I saw the moisture on his eyelids, my heart nearly beat out of my chest. He had changed, and I liked it!
 
During that weekend, we took long walks, enjoyed deep conversations, sang and played my piano, and thoroughly enjoyed just being together.  We shared several romantic moments together that could have provided ideal opportunities for tender kisses and the substance of romance novels. However, DC honored me with the gift of self-control. I always wanted to marry a man who would respect me enough to wait instead of trying to take what did not belong to him.

I fell really hard for DC that weekend, and he knew it. We talked about a future together, but I was too dizzy in my own confusion to commit to a relationship. I did at least have enough sense to sneak a sappy note into a bag of cookies I sent with him as he departed for the long drive to his parents' home. 

Life Lessons

• The longer the wait, the sweeter the reward.  If we had pushed for this relationship in our own timing instead of waiting on God's, it would have been a disaster.  After eight years apart, however, our reunion was better than anything we could have imagined. (Psalm 27:13-14)

• We must be transformed by God before we can fully experience His good and perfect will.  God did not allow us to come back together until we had both been transformed by His grace and had sought the mind of Christ.  (Romans 15:5)

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."  (Romans 12:2)

• Guard your physical purity as a priceless treasure. In a parable, Christ compared the Kingdom of Heaven to a valuable pearl.  If someone sold everything he had to buy a fine pearl, he would handle that pearl very carefully. He would not allow others to mistreat it or cause it to break leaving shattered remnants all around. He would protect it and treasure it. No decent person would intentionally steal this pearl which the man sold everything to purchase. Similarly we must protect our purity, for our bodies belong to God who gave everything for us. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)  Once a lifelong commitment is made through a covenant marriage, then and only then can our bodies be given for the full expression of érōs love. (1 Corinthians 7:4-5) 

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."  (Matthew 13:45-46)

To continue to part 7 of our love story, click here.

Our Love Story (Part 5): We Meet Again

(Continuation of the story that starts here)  

The five years following my trip to Orlando hold so many wonderful memories for me. After several job relocations, I settled down in a beautiful city at the foot of the mountains and immediately got involved in a phenomenal interdenominational Bible study for singles led by a dynamic Bible scholar. I helped plant a church that grew like wildfire with almost 90% of its new membership comprised of new believers with varied backgrounds. I cannot even begin to describe all I learned about God's love for humanity through my relationships in that diverse church body.

Soon after my arrival into town, I joined my company's corporate running team, and we competed regularly against other large corporations in the state. Most of the runners were older and wiser than me and became career mentors and friends, yet they were surprisingly open to hearing me share my testimony, the Gospel, and encouraging Bible verses pertaining to their needs or concerns at the time. This team helped me race faster and further than I ever thought possible. They even inspired me to run a full marathon, which I ran as a fundraiser for leukemia research in memory of a high school friend who died of leukemia.
 
I also found another ministry passion during that time in the area of crisis pregnancy counseling. My adoption story seemed to encourage young mothers in crisis pregnancy situations. This volunteer opportunity inspired even more diverse and rewarding relationships and set a vision in my mind of how God could use my story to support and encourage young moms and possibly help save little lives.

My career was quite enjoyable and began requiring a great deal of travel which helped satisfy my hunger to see more of the world and to interact with diverse cultures. After enduring a nightmarish ordeal involving the construction of my first house, I finally settled down in my new home. I was very content with my great job, fabulous church, wonderful Bible study friends, running team, ministry focus, and opportunities to experience "bucket list" adventures I would not have the time or flexibility for as a wife and mother.

Meanwhile, DC had moved again, this time over 850 miles from my new residence, for a number of lengthy deployments with the Navy.  According to DC (and verified by his mother), he dated other girls while in port, but when his mother would call him and ask about those girls, he would always tell her, that she was fine, but she didn't compare to me. (Blush!) While I still kept his photo at my desk and prayed for him, he had continued to think of me and set me as the benchmark for his other relationships. Of course, at the time, we were each convinced that our relationship was over. 

DC atop his assigned sub

During his fourth year as a submarine officer, DC came across my parents' address while addressing Christmas cards. He sent them a Christmas card and included his email address. Within seconds of opening the Christmas card from DC, my mother had phoned me to give me DC's new contact information. So, upon her insistence, I sent him a short email. When he noticed that my last name had not changed, he assumed I had not gotten married and then began emailing me regularly. We were both seeing other people at the time, so our conversations were just informative in nature.

That March, he was scheduled for another long deployment on a submarine, and he asked me to send him emails during his time at sea.  He could receive emails when the submarine came up close to the surface, but for security reasons, he could not send any messages.  I do not enjoy one-sided conversations, but I felt it was my patriotic duty to send a word of encouragement on occasion during his deployment. (Okay, so that sounds like a decent motive, and I tried to convince myself my motives were only charitable, but I truly wanted to keep communicating with him because that stubborn spark he lit in me during the spring of 1992 was still burning.) Usually, my emails were funny stories of how I had royally embarrassed myself that week. I was willing to lay my pride on the line to evoke a dimpled grin from a naval officer trapped in a miserably small space with all those lonely men at the bottom of the sea.

After that deployment, he wrote a letter requesting resignation from his commission with the Navy once he had completed his obligation in May of the following year.  By this time, we had both broken off previous dating relationships, so we could talk more openly. He began calling me every Sunday evening.

Soon, he was meeting with headhunters who specialize in placing military officers in civilian jobs. The job placement agency set up interviews for him in April with a large number of companies from across the nation at a huge job fair that would be held less than two hours from my house. One of my additional responsibilities at my workplace was head recruiter for my university campus. This position required me to undergo intense training on professional interview techniques followed by multiple trips to my college campus for job fairs, extremely long days interviewing candidates for professional jobs at my company, filtering through resumes, and selecting a few candidates for on-site interviews. I knew what to look for on a resume and what questions the larger firms would likely be asking. So, I agreed, upon DC's request, to come meet him at the job fair site and help him prepare for the interviews.

Butterflies haunted my stomach all week prior to meeting him again. A strange sense of déjà vu hit me when I entered the hotel elevator at the job fair location where I found myself surrounded by military officers donning those uniforms which make me melt.  When I knocked on DC's door, I wondered which knocks were louder, my knuckles on the door or my knees against each another. When he opened the door, I barely recognized him. His skin was very pale due to spending consecutive summers underwater on a submarine. His hair was much shorter, and his face was full and round.  He looked older, more mature, and more knowledgeable. Those years in the Navy had changed him.

Despite the intensity of what he must have experienced while in the Navy, his smile was soft, and his nature was still very easygoing. We spent the day walking around the grounds of the resort, eating at one of his favorite restaurants, and catching up on the past five years. I kept reminding him that we were supposed to be preparing for his interviews. Each time I pulled out my notes and tried to role play interview questions with him, he redirected the conversation, apparently uninterested in my "professional assistance".

The attraction I felt for him that day wasn't physical as it had been during all our other times together. Finding out who he had become on the inside drew me to him at that point. The "no" that had previously overwhelmed me when I considered a romantic relationship with him seemed strangely absent, but I knew how important it was to guard my heart. I had spent the past eight years on God's pottery wheel where He had been shaping and molding me. During this encounter with DC, however, I felt like he was the one in the process of intense spiritual transformation, and my hunch was correct. (Jeremiah 18:6)

As we innocently parted late that evening, DC promised to keep me updated on the outcome of the interviews. DC later told me that the interviews had gone well, and he eventually narrowed down his job choices to three different companies in three different states. One location was in his home state over a thousand miles away. Another location was at least as far away but in the most strategic location for his field of study. The last job location was small rural suburb just outside my home state's capitol city.   

Life Lessons 

• Bloom where you are planted. Make the most of every opportunity where you are now. If you are too busy wishing to be in a different place or in a different set of circumstances, you may miss privileged opportunities that you won't be given again later. (Colossians 4:5)  

• Wait on God's perfect timing. Sometimes He gives us a glimpse of what is to come, but we must wait for it. God promised Abraham a son, but that promised son did not come until Abraham was 100 years old.  Do not take God's promises into your own hands as Abraham and Sarah did with Hagar and Ishmael. It is always better to wait on His timing. 


"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

To continue to part 6, click here.

Our Love Story (Part 4): Silence

(Continuation of the story that starts here)

The next few months after my favorite midshipman's departure from my life are a blur. Cutting off communication with someone I cared about so deeply seemed impossible. So, I threw myself into my studies and into fellowship with like-minded believers. Faith-filled mentors and friends encouraged and inspired me throughout those formative college years as I sought the Lord more passionately and devoted myself to the study of God's word.  Life went on and became more fulfilling for me than ever before. Regret did not haunt me after I said goodbye to my favorite midshipman, for I knew I had made the right choice, but I still kept his picture on my desk as a reminder to keep praying for him.

During Christmas break of that same year, Curly returned to our home town and hosted a holiday party according to tradition. Gregarious and confident, he showed a VHS recording of the "Christmas in Washington" show which had recently aired on television. The USNA Glee Club had performed at the event that year, and we were all eager to see Curly singing for Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Helen Hunt, and various other government officials and celebrities. During the Glee Club performance, the TV cameras zoomed in on the midshipmen dressed in their dazzling formal white uniforms. One camera scanned the front row from right to left and zoomed in even closer for a moment on the tenor standing at the end of the front row. I could hardly bear to watch that close-up video of that black-haired tenor who continued to be my favorite midshipman. Chills ran over me, and I felt sick.

Since this tenor had requested that we cease correspondence, I asked Curly about him. Curly and my favorite midshipman eventually began singing together in a quintet called "Those Guys" and became good friends. "Those Guys" crooned classic hits that evoked lots of wild applause from female audiences. At one concert, some girls started calling my favorite midshipman "DC" which was an abbreviation for "Dangerously Cute", and that nickname stuck with him for the remainder of his college days. The other midshipmen even had a special badge with the initials "DC" made for him to wear on his uniform. Hearing this story and other exaggerated tales from Curly provoked a spiritual battle against jealousy within me, but at least I now have a shorter code name to use in this story for my favorite midshipman. Henceforth, I shall refer to him as DC.

Viewing that video broke me, so I just had to write DC one more letter to break the silence that had existed between us since that last farewell at the train depot. In my letter, I simply told him that I had seen him on TV singing at the Christmas in Washington festivities and felt compelled to write. I told him I had been praying for him. I expressed that I still cared for him but only wished that we could have met nine years later after he had completed his military obligation. 

I don't remember him writing me back, but he recalls responding with a short note. We did not communicate again during the remainder of our college days. I would ask Curly about him when I would see him back home over holiday breaks. Curly usually had an embellished story to tell me about DC, but I never knew whether or not to believe what he said. Later, I learned that DC had made more trips back to our area with Curly without my knowledge, so I assumed he had forgotten all about me.

I continued to seek the Lord and plowed through tough course loads while being blessed beyond measure through my involvement in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and our church college ministry. Through these relationships and a focused journey through scriptures, the Lord began to paint a picture for me of what I should look for in a husband. Even more importantly, He kept bringing me back to Proverbs 31 which presents the perfect ideal (unattainable, but worth pursuing) of a virtuous wife. Instead of seeking Mr. Right, I needed to focus on allowing God to mold me into a woman who could best complement a godly man.

During the following years, the Lord gave me a gift for evangelism which, when used in His power, gave me a new level of joy like I had never known before. Had I been wrapped up in a serious long distance relationship, I would not have been able to see people or their needs like I could as a single woman.

"....An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband."  (1 Corinthians 7:34)

As a single woman, I experienced what Paul was trying to explain in this passage from 1 Corinthians 7. It is easier to focus on the Lord and His work while single. While marriage should ultimately become a more effective ministry with the two coming together as one than it was when the two served apart, I wanted my season of singleness to be used for eternal work instead of spending those precious years pining away for a husband.

As I grew in Christ and kept investing in ministry, I found contentment without needing to have a suitor beside me to complete my self-image. I still dreamed about married life and longed to find my Prince Charming, but my perspective on the purpose of marriage and singleness was changing.  I no longer felt like I needed DC (or any man) to "complete me", for my fulfillment was in Christ.  If I had taken the time to search my heart and be completely honest with myself, however, I probably would have admitted that I still loved DC. 

Almost every guy I dated during college had some connection to the military. I attended military formals with ROTC Navy and ROTC Air Force guys while privately wondering what it would have been like to attend a ball at the Naval Academy with DC.  I began to consider if I was destined to become a military wife who would be stuck at home while her husband travels for six months or more on deployments. Military wives have my utmost respect and gratitude, but I feared and dreaded such a scenario for myself which confirmed in my mind that a relationship with DC would have never lasted anyway. Apparently, we just were not meant to be together. "Why did he have to enter my life in the first place?" I pondered.

In 1995, both DC and I graduated with Bachelor of Science degrees, and I moved far away to start my career.  I learned from Curly that DC was headed to Orlando, Florida for nuclear power training, while Curly was moving to Pensacola, FL for flight school, so he would no longer be able to give me updates on DC.  I had already made plans to visit Orlando, FL that summer to visit a college friend who had taken a job there. Curly must have given me DC's contact information, as I did manage to contact him.  I invited DC to a party at my friend's apartment to help him meet the locals, given that he was so new to the area. He agreed to meet us and ended up spending every day of my Orlando trip with me. I saw more of DC that week than I did the friend I had originally come to see.  While I still found DC to be very attractive, that same uneasy feeling from before stayed with me during my entire visit with him in Orlando.  I think the feeling was mutual.  We parted more easily that time.  

Touring Kennedy Space Center together

We did not communicate after that visit except for a Christmas card I sent him at the end of that year. I foolishly wrote on the card that I had found the man I would marry.  All communication ceased when he received that card. The relationship with the man I had convinced myself was "the one" fell apart abruptly long before any marriage proposal. What had I done?

DC finished his training in Orlando and then moved to the same state where I was headed next with my job. We were living geographically closer than ever before, but we did not communicate at all during that time.  We were convinced that our love story had ended.

Life Lessons

• Do not waste the season of singleness pining away for a romantic relationship or for a future mate. Use that time instead to seek an intimate relationship with the Lord and to serve others. (Hebrews 4:16, Matthew 11:28, James 4:8)

• Open yourself to the potter, so He can mold you into the person He wants you to be instead of trying to become something you are not to impress a romantic interest.  (Isaiah 64:8) 

• Make faithful Bible study and fellowship with like-minded believers a priority. Engage in a church that teaches the whole word of God (not just selected verses that feel good and do not convict). We all need the instruction, nurture, accountability and fellowship to stand strong and grow in faith, and the church needs each of us to function as a complete body. (1 Corinthians 12) For college students, I recommend campus fellowship groups like InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, Cru, or Fellowship of Christian Athletes which are available on most college campuses.  Parachurch organizations provide fabulous supplemental nurture and accountability, but they should not replace the church. (Acts 2:41-43, Hebrews 10:25)

• Do not seek to marry until you know your identity and infinite worth in Christ. Find all your fulfillment in Christ, for only He can satisfy.  Do not expect a spouse to do what only God can do for you if you do not want to be disappointed with your marriage.  (Philippians 4:11-13, Philippians 4:7, John 14:27) 

To continue to part 5 of our love story, click here. 

Our Love Story (Part 3): Choosing to Let Go

(Continuation of the story that starts here)"

"And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul."  (Deuteronomy 10:12)

My favorite midshipman planned to visit me at my university during a brief school break during the fall of my sophomore year.  He took the train, and I met him at the depot. I don't remember much at all from that weekend except for the oppressive burden I felt to put an end to romantic intentions for our relationship.

This break-up was not typical at all.  We had not grown bored with one another, nor had we lost interest in each other (quite the contrary). There was no hurt, bitterness, or anger. I had not found someone else I liked better. I was completely smitten with this fellow.

The timing, however, was terrible. God was calling me to seek Him with all my heart, mind, and soul without the distraction of a long distance relationship with someone headed in a different direction. The season of singleness (and particularly the college years when one leaves the safe boundaries of family to choose which way he or she will go) is a privileged time of life, and He was calling me to use to that time to focus on building a stronger relationship with Him, my eternal bridegroom, not a cute sailor I would rarely get to see. The apostle Paul taught that singleness is good, for unmarried and widowed people are unhindered by marital responsibilities and can therefore devote their full attention to the work of the Lord.  (1 Corinthians 7:8)

The Lord surely had other reasons for prompting me to break off the relationship as well, but it was only clear to me that He had set before me a choice.I could obey God by giving Him first place in my heart, or I could give my heart to the midshipman instead.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it".  (Proverbs 4:23)

In retrospect, I can see how necessary it was for us to separate at that time. I needed to understand my relationship as Christ's bride so that through earthly marriage, I could reflect the unconditional love relationship God intends to have with His people.  I needed to find all my satisfaction and wholeness in Christ alone before I could have a healthy marriage.  Otherwise, I would have expected my husband to satisfy those needs that only God can fulfill.  I also needed more time to experience personal independence (though I was, am, and always will be very much dependent upon the Lord) and to discover who God created me to be and how I could best use the gifts He had given me for His kingdom.  Had I not had these experiences and developed the friendships that were formed during those single years, I probably would have carried regret or longing into a marriage. In short, we both needed time to grow up and become the man and woman we each needed to be before we could have a healthy, Christ honoring marriage.  We loved each other enough to let go so that God could mold us according to His perfect plan.

My favorite midshipman accepted my decision, albeit coldly, but I was tormented when I imagined the sea of ladies in Annapolis who were waiting in line to spend time with him.  I had hoped that we could at least continue our friendship, but he thought it best to cut off our relationship entirely. When I had agreed to obey the Lord in this matter, I had agreed to give up the romantic aspect of the relationship for the time being, but I was not prepared to give up the relationship completely. I could not hold back tears as the train took him back to Maryland.  

"20110821 AmtrakEmpireBuilder" by Douglas Rahden

Life Lessons

• Relish the season of singleness. It is a privileged time for growing in intimacy with Christ.  Do not wish away the season or become so consumed with seeking a mate that you miss the unique opportunities that come only during the single years.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

• Choosing to put God first in your life is always the best choice.

³⁷"Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment."  (Matthew 22:37)

Click here to continue to part 4 of our love story.