Dearly beloved adopted one,
I was born almost 46 years ago, shortly after the passage of Roe v. Wade to a teen mom who had no job, no family support, no ability to provide for me, and no power to protect me from her harmful environment. Thirteen months later, I was adopted into a loving family who had been waiting and praying for me for over five years. As I look back on my life story as only God could have written it, I am overwhelmed by God's sovereignty, goodness, and love. I would like to encourage you with a few lessons I have learned as an adoptee who was born during an era when crisis pregnancies and adoptions were far less common than they are now.
Your life is sacred. You are an infinitely valuable, good gift from the Lord!
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. (Psalm 127:3)
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.(James 1:17)
You are a miracle, not a mistake!
Your parents may not have planned your conception, but your perfect heavenly Father planned every detail of your life and your being long before you were ever conceived. (
Psalm 139: 13-16)
God has a perfect plan and purpose for your life.
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)
God chose the date, time, and place for your birth in accordance with His perfect plan (
Psalm 18:30), and His plans are always good (
Luke 18:19). He rejoices over you endlessly with love so vast, none can fully comprehend it. (Learn more about God's love for you
here.) God fashioned you with all the gifts and abilities you will need to fulfill His wonderful purposes for your life.
You were never abandoned. You are and always have been lavishly loved.
Your birth mother did not give you up because she did not want you. She placed you up for adoption because she loved you more than herself. She chose to give you life even when it was incredibly inconvenient and uncomfortable for her. She endured great physical and emotional pain as she labored to deliver you. Giving you up for adoption was undoubtedly the biggest sacrifice of her life, but she made that sacrifice out of love.
Consider the parable of the talents as described in
Matthew 25. While you are worth infinitely more than any of the talents (one talent was worth approximately 20 years of daily wages) the rich man in this parable entrusted to his three servants, you were indeed a gift of immeasurable value entrusted to your birth parents by God Almighty. Your birth mother had to make a choice. She could have buried you as the fearful servant did (except she would have "buried" you via abortion), which may have seemed on the surface to be the safest, easiest option, but the result would have been great loss, weeping, and "gnashing of teeth". Alternatively, she could have chosen to parent you herself. That option would have involved some risk on her part and years of sacrifice, but both of you would have reaped rewards (
Proverbs 17:3). That choice would have returned some blessings while sparing your birth mother the agonizing heartache and unknowns of entrusting her precious gift into the arms of strangers, but it would not have provided you with all the opportunities, stability, and nurture you could have received by being raised by both a mother and a father in a stable, loving home. Instead of burying you or taking some risks to give you what little she felt she could provide you, she took the biggest risk of all and made the greatest sacrifice of love possible. Instead of forsaking you or investing her treasure into lower risk, lower yield "bonds", she gave up all the love and joy you could have brought her to give you more than she ever thought she could. She was a faithful steward of God's precious gift.
A mother's love for her child is limitless, powerful, and sacrificial. She gave up her greatest treasure so that you may have the most abundant life possible. Such great love comes not from the flesh, but from God who sent His only Son away from Heaven and down to earth, so that He could dwell with us as both God and man and suffer and die on the cross for all our sins. Her sacrifice was also rooted in faith, for we know that God will never leave or forsake us. (
Deuteronomy 31:8)
You are chosen!
When I was in elementary school and kids would tease me or ask me questions about being adopted, I would tell them, "I wasn't abandoned; I was chosen. My parents could have chosen anyone to be their daughter, but they chose me. Your parents didn't have that choice. They were stuck with you." My childish reply may have seemed snarky, and I in no way want to diminish the love any mother has for her child regardless of choice or circumstance, but adopted children are indeed chosen. I had absolutely nothing to offer my adoptive parents except sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and years of hard labor and ongoing expenses. Yet, they chose me as their own. They gave me their name, their identity, their inheritance, their endless devotion, and most importantly, their unconditional love.
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| The day my parents chose me |
Adoption is a beautiful picture of our spiritual adoption in Christ. God chose each of us to become a part of His family even when we were sinners with nothing to offer Him in return. He gave up His own Son to redeem us. He loves us unconditionally and generously provides all we need. He gives us a new identity in Him. When we come to Him in faith, he gives us a new name and an eternal inheritance. Just as I grew to speak, act, and even look more like my adopted parents, God transforms us into His likeness as we abide with Him as His children. (
Ephesians 1:3-14)
You were never fatherless.
God created you with a yearning that only He can fill, for He desires to have a close, personal relationship with you as your Daddy. He is your perfect, holy, and good Father. His heart's desire is that you will come to Him for peace, comfort, rest, and joy. His arms are open wide waiting for all His children to come to Him as a child confidently approaches his or her earthly father. No matter why your earthly father chose to no longer be a part of your life, you must know that you were never fatherless. God intended for your adoptive father be your earthly daddy all along, but no earthly father can ever compare to God. He will meet your every need, wipe away every tear, and protect you with His omnipotent hands. (
Psalm 68:5)
Disclaimer:
I realize that each adoption story is unique, and some may be filled with trials and heartaches. Not all adoptions are idyllic. However, we must not believe Satan's lies. The enemy of our souls seeks to impede our walk with Christ and keep us from God's purpose by convincing us that we are unloved, abandoned, or alone, contrary to God's absolute truth. The media prefers to highlight sensational worst case scenarios since those are most profitable for them, but we must not assume such rare, isolated scenarios apply to us. Our individual adoption stories are still unfolding, and God always keeps His promises.