Upholding Righteousness Without Legalism

I love the way our kids’ school dances have calling cards (so everyone participates and no one gets to choose his/her dance partner) and dance callers for dances ranging from the waltz to the Virginia Reel and choreographed line dancing which keeps movements relatively controlled since there is no freestyle dancing. however, these dances can turn into high impact aerobic workouts with girls spinning, lunging, and jumping in a way that could expose far too much if the girls are not dressed appropriately.

A large number of pictures from our school’s recent dance were shared publicly on social media, so to further support the modesty principle, I asked my daughter if she was comfortable with her future coaches, college administrators, and even employers seeing those photos. 

She replied, "But Mom, I had one of the most modest dresses here." (And she did with spandex running shorts underneath as well.)  

What if she had worn a less modest dress like some of the other students?  Would she still be comfortable with those photos being published publicly to social media?

She knows she should be setting her standard based on God’s word alone, and I am pleased with most of her choices, but don’t most people of all ages consider what others are wearing or doing when evaluating their own choices to some extent? While most of us realize our culture’s standard is already in the toilet, I’ve noticed Christian schools and churches lowering their standards as well. If this continues, soon Christian organizations and churches will look no different from the world at all.

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Mathematically speaking, if the population set has sunk to rock bottom, all zeros, then the average, maximum, and minimum of zero are all still zero. At that point it would not matter if someone was the most modest at school, church, or workplace. She would still be outside of God's standard. And this of course is not just about modesty. It's about morality, character, integrity, virtue.

I realize that schools and churches want to avoid legalism, just as Jesus spent more time rebuking the Pharisees than anyone else while loving and ministering to the vilest of sinners. But we do not rid our churches and communities of legalism by lowering standards, removing rules, or failing to enforce the laws. We root out legalism the way Christ did, by training the heart and by loving unconditionally. Christ did not abolish the law. He fulfilled the law and then made a way to transform our hearts. The law exposes our hearts and our need for Christ. Upholding Biblical standards in Christian communities is protective and good.  In a school or church, these rules or guidelines help expose the heart, revealing our need for Christ and areas that need to be surrendered to Him. They open up opportunities for heart training. Then as Christ does His sanctifying work in our hearts, we find great freedom as sin strongholds no longer controls us, all thanks to Christ's work on our behalf. 

Are we as parents, teachers, and/or role-models, focused only on the rules in a legalistic way, are we compromising our standards at the other extreme such that anything goes, or are we training the hearts of upcoming generations with love and biblical truth? 

If we are lowering our standards to please men, we are not honoring God.

Galatians 1:10

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Teaching our Daughters about Modesty

I have been asked by other moms how I believe a mother (or both parents, ideally) should instruct her daughter on the issue of modesty from a Biblical perspective. I will share some of my response just in case anyone else is interested or wants to add valuable input in the comments.

Modesty is a delicate topic as everyone has a different standard, and no one wants to be "judged" by someone else's standard. Rarely, however, do I hear pastors and other Christian teachers speaking to the implications of modesty decisions on hearts and souls or what they may reveal about the longings of the heart. Many highly esteemed mothers and daughters will argue that it's not a woman's responsibility to consider how her dress or behavior could influence what a guy thinks, and if he is prone to stumble in his heart when looking at her, he should simply look away. That perspective, however, fails to consider how clothing, gestures, and postures affect oneself, much less what they communicate to others. So instead of focusing on the impact on the guys, I first ask girls how they can best respect themselves and draw other's attention to God, whose light is often reflected in their words, eyes, smiles, or caring actions. School-aged girls tend to be more inclined to want to draw attention to themselves than to the Lord. So if that's where they are spiritually, then I ask them if they feel respected more when others are most interested in their heart, mind, soul, or body. There aren't many girls out there who do not want to be perceived as beautiful, but beauty is never only skin deep. Rarely do girls honestly want to be noticed only as an objectified body.

I haven't met a girl yet who doesn't want to be respected. Yet, churches usually only speak about girls wanting to be loved, and then girls confuse being loved with being lusted after by a hormonal boy who only wants to gratify his own carnal desires. The good guys will try their best to look away, but they can't avoid that first glance. The creepy guys will not. They will misuse the girls repeatedly (abusing them in their minds only would be the best case scenario). I ask young girls if they really want to use their bodies to give jerks cheap thrills, even if only in their minds? Do they want to leave a lasting immodest image of themselves in the minds of their teachers, administrators, pastors, friends' fathers, etc.? I try to help them understand how immodest images linger and are imprinted in the human mind whether we want them to or not. It was God's design that these images have a lasting, powerful effect to strengthen marriage faithfulness and intimacy. If the young lady's focus is attracting guys she likes for the purpose of being loved and cherished, I ask her what type of man she would want to attract and then ask her to consider what qualities would attract such a godly gentleman. How would he want her to dress?

I may tell them real life stories of girls (no personal identifying information) I knew who dressed immodestly not out of impure motives, but simply because no one counseled them on this issue and how that led them down the road of being used and abused repeatedly instead of being loved and honored as a man should love and honor his wife. All those girls ever longed for was to be loved and cherished for who they are inside, not outside. I avoid telling them what their own personal standard for modesty should be (although we do set standards together as a family), but I will point out areas that tend to be stumbling blocks when exposed, if they ask.

Others view the human body as God's masterpiece to be put on display like the Mona Lisa and assume that those who cover up are ashamed of their bodies. I have tried to counter this argument with my own story. Before I knew any better, I dressed like everyone else without considering any of these modesty issues, even though I was ashamed of my body at the time. Now I do regular weight training to rehabilitate my damaged back and spine from decades of competitive running. The result of that rehab training is a physique other women might show off with pride at my age and after difficult pregnancies/deliveries. I asked my daughter if she ever wants me flaunting my body via less modest outfits in front her friends. Of course she doesn't, not because my body is shameful but rather because that would be prideful, attention seeking, and embarrassing for her. So I keep encouraging her to always ask herself, particularly when making modesty decisions, what her motives are and what consequences those choices could have on others. If a girl shows off her body by wearing immodest clothing, it could make others feel envious, it may cause others to stumble in their thoughts (such thoughts can drive men to look at porn and it's been estimated that over 80% of men are regularly looking at porn which leads to all sorts of disastrous societal problems), it would probably draw judgment (or maybe even ridicule) from others, it may embarrass family members, and if the motive is to draw attention to oneself instead of to God, then it is prideful, a form of idolatry. A woman may show more of her body in a private setting to inspire other women to follow a similar healthy eating/exercise regimen (a physical trainer, for example) or to show God's answer to prayers for physical healing, but when is there ever a purely beneficial reason to flaunt one's body immodestly in public?

The Bible is very clear that we are indeed God's masterpiece (Psalm 139:14), but our bodies are too sacred and valuable to be cheapened by free public exhibition. A woman's body is so precious that God's intent was that only the one man who has pledged his life and agape love through a marriage covenant would be worthy of the privilege of viewing and enjoying it. So guard and protect this sacred treasure, which is wonderfully and marvelously crafted by God Himself.

The mistake that leads to a path of destruction

I am begging every young woman and parent of a daughter to read Abby Johnson's response below.

[Abby Johnson is a former Director of a Planned Parenthood affiliate and was Planned Parenthood's Employee of the Year for the entire US who walked away from her enormous salary and Planned Parenthood power when she saw a 13-week abortion take place on an ultrasound. She had two abortions of her own and was complicit in manipulating women to undergo 22,000 abortions before God changed her heart. Now she is fighting tirelessly to support women in crisis and to save the unborn while helping women heal after abortion and helping abortion workers leave the industry. Her true story can be viewed in the movie "Unplanned" showing at movie theaters now.]

In an interview with Glenn Beck, Abby Johnson was asked, "Where did you make your mistake?" She replied, "I made my mistake when I went to college, and I started living a life of IMMODESTY in my speech, my behavior, my dress. I saw that attracted the attention of guys, and that was attention I wanted."

Dear young ladies, while I would love for you to care about guys enough to avoid becoming a stumbling block or a source of temptation for them, I am much more interested in YOU personally. Instead of asking you to consider others before yourself, let's just consider you for a moment. What's in your best interest? Even if all the godly guys manage to look away when you walk by in that skimpy outfit (that's his responsibility, not yours, as you like to tell me), there are far more jerks, perverts, and creepy old men who will feast their eyes on your physical beauty for a free thrill without ever regarding your heart, mind, or soul. Lots of desperate women require men to pay top dollar to see their goods, but you are putting much of yours on display for free, both in person and on social media. Only your future husband who respects you so much that he has committed himself wholly to you until death (or Christ's return) deserves that privilege. The immature guys whose attention you gain will look at you as an object, more than once, and they will prey on you. You are setting yourself up to be manipulated, used, and abused over and over again. You think you can handle them, but scientific studies show that repeated pressure will eventually wear you down. The jerks you attract with your immodest words, actions, or dress will lead you down a path of so many regrets. Modesty isn't just a wise choice to help out the good guys, it is the best way to love and respect yourself!

www.yourhealthsourceblog.org/

Modesty - Revisted

1 Timothy 2:9
I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes

I know we have to pick our battles as parents of teenagers, but it seems the issue of immodesty is one few are even considering, much less fighting. I was reminded often this summer whenever surrounded by young teens in skimpy bikinis.

I get it, moms. I am the slack parent who, as soon as her kids were old enough to dress themselves, never realized what her kids were wearing until I dropped them off somewhere. Horrified by the clashing colors, summer clothes worn in the winter and vice-versa, and dress shoes paired with casual play clothes, I received grace from the children's workers who smiled and applauded me for giving my kids freedom to express themselves creatively. The truth was that I was embarrassed and would have made them change had I taken the time to notice before we rushed out the door.

I'm thankful our kids' school requires uniforms that are simple and modest. There have been times, however, when we would be nearing the school and someone realized that she left her shoes at home, so I'm still not awake enough in the frenzied mornings to even notice if they even have shoes on their feet. Parenting is tiring, so who has time to argue over how short their dresses are or how much skin their swimsuits show?

Thankfully, modesty isn't too much of a battle at our house because my daughter understands that her body is God's temple, infinitely valuable and worthy of safe keeping, not free public exhibition. We don't always agree, and I don't buy all her clothes, so she doesn't always dress as modestly as I would like, but when it comes to the following questions, we agree on the answers.

• How many loving parents have ever wished they had allowed or encouraged their teenagers to show more skin?

• Who has ever looked back on her life and regretted not showing more leg, cleavage, or belly, etc?

• What decent husband has ever told his wife, "I sure wish you had shown all the other guys at the beach or in the public square more of your body so they could enjoy it as much I do?"

• "How many people have wished they had been wearing less when they bumped into their pastors, teachers, coaches, elders, etc. at the pool or marketplace?"

• What self-respecting girl has ever wished that the boys noticed her body more than her face, mind, or heart? Sorry teens, but at your age especially, an exposed body is a huge distraction! (Right now, it may seem a burden, but when the body and those kinds of desires are kept within God's protective boundaries of the marriage covenant, you will know without a doubt the benefits of that gift are worth the cost to protect it.)

• Now consider how many people have regretted being too immodest. How many wish they had been wearing something else (or something at all) when a picture was taken and shared with other students or the entire internet? How many people wish others had respected them for who they are inside instead of what they look like on the outside? How many people wish they were treated as human beings with eternal souls instead of as mere objects, eye candy, or play toys

Addendum:  It's not my place to judge or set a standard for someone else. If it was, I would focus first on freeing all the women wearing long black burkas on hot summer days, not on slowing down runners or making people uncomfortably hot with cumbersome clothing. I'm only suggesting that modesty is a topic that should be carefully considered, discussed with our teenagers, and decided for ourselves instead of merely letting the culture "normalize" that standard for us.

Trading Trump's Comments for Good

I cannot and will not defend Trump for his lewd comments about women, but there are ways to bring some good out of it. Since Hillary and Trump are such master deal makers, why not make a trade deal? For every stone someone throws at Trump for his comments, that person must do something to push back the objectification or abuse of women.

“...Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone...."  (John 8:7) 

For example, each time you criticize Trump for his comments, delete or destroy any Beyonce' music (especially Lemonade, Rocket, Partition, Blow, and Drunk on Love ...or so I am told as I refuse to listen to her) you own or refuse to patronize her. Her lusty lyrics are even more profane than Trump's comments and further objectify women which only increases the tendency of men to mistreat women. She even references the Monica Lewinsky incident in her lyrics in an obscene way.  Choosing to boycott Miley Cyrus would be another stop in the right direction away from obscenity.

For each stone you hurl at Trump, consider adding one more layer of internet protection (like Covenant Eyes) to keep pornography out of your heart and your home. Pornography feeds lewd thoughts, sexual addiction, harmful words, and rape. It also tears apart marriages and families.

Any woman who finds Trump's comments offensive yet reads erotica like Fifty Shades of Grey is no less guilty than he. That book portrays male domination, emotional manipulation, sexual perversion, and emotional/physical/sexual abuse in a glamorous light while merging religious blasphemy with excessive use of obscene, vulgar language. Erotica novels twist what God created to be a pure, righteous, Christ honoring, pleasurable act which represents the union of husband and wife in mind, body, and spirit into something uncomfortable, lewd, painful, violent, and twisted with more of a severing of mind, body, and spirit than any lasting union. While pornography uses and abuses women who are often trafficked into the industry and therefore physically and emotionally unhealthy, both pornography and erotica fiction set up unreasonable and false expectations that will only result in increased disappointment in real life encounters with one's partner. Porn stars are dolled up with excessive makeup and professional hair styling while trained to assume the most provocative poses before Photoshop editing perfects them into something completely fictitious.  However, erotica books open a woman's mind to fantasize far beyond anything a Photoshop wizard or makeup artist could possibly conjure in pixels, so in that regard, erotica fiction is even more harmful for marriages than even pornography.  So, if you plan to blame Trump for his crude comments, destroy every hint of erotic fiction you own, and fill your mind with what is good. 

To Hillary and Michelle Obama, who are big fans of Beyonce' and have promoted her as a role model, choose instead to lift up women characterized by wisdom, modesty, and integrity as role models. Stop insisting that women's lives aren't worth living if their lives weren't planned through your push for increased taxpayer funded abortion. Stop normalizing perverse sexual behavior through your platforms and allegiance to Planned Parenthood, an organization that deliberately doles out the LEAST effective contraceptives (as verified and reported by Consumer Reports) along with propaganda that encourages young people to act like dogs and treat each other like pieces of property instead of sacred beings to be treasured, so they'll come back for high dollar abortions.

 
If you want men to stop talking trash, stop treating women like trash, especially women who have been abused or trafficked.

And Hillary, for each time you reference this old video, sever a deal or refuse money from those who regularly buy and/or sell women and children into slavery.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but we can push back darkness with light!

 

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."  (Romans 12:21)

Postmodern Paradoxes: When Modern Feminism Subjugates Women and Opposition to Racism Escalates Racial Violence

What I’m about to share could apply to race, ethnicity, gender identity, occupation, sexual preference, or any other category of potential discrimination, but as a woman in every sense of the word, I’ll try to focus on women’s issues from a female’s perspective.

I'm not sure how to put this politely, but I'm convinced that the modern progressive “feminist” movement is negatively impacting women’s lives and damaging our country.  

[I would like to address these feminists in the second person. When I use any form of "you", I'm referencing radical adherents of this movement.  First person plural ("us", "we", "our", etc.) is used to refer to women in general, including myself.]

When you manipulate the law to force voters, businesses, and governments to choose us, pay us, reward us, and grant us immunity based on our sex instead of on our character, ability, effort, and/or actual achievements, you destroy women’s confidence, robbing us of self-dignity and the satisfaction of earning our position, reward, or impact on society through hard work, perseverance, and faith.  When you point out our gender or our race instead of drawing attention to our person, our character, or our work, you steal our joy and motivation to set and pursue high goals for ourselves and for each other.  You also build resentment between men and women, making it more difficult to work together to achieve synergy and to build consensus, much less collaborate and innovate. Your laws erode efficiency, crush our economy, waste resources, and reduce incentives for workers to strive harder or to continuously improve (reference California’s failed Fair Pay Act which Hillary Clinton wants to use a model for the entire country as one would only find in the most tyrannical, socialistic countries).

Stop treating women like babies who cannot pave their own way, compete fairly, or achieve their goals without political pandering. We don’t want or need your props. Give us equal (not privileged) opportunity to become the full expression of who God intended us to be as women without denying the clear and beautiful differences between men and women that make us so complementary for the greater good.

Stop wasting valuable resources on slimy lawsuits that make men fear and avoid us. Just as school bullies reveal their own personal insecurities when they tear someone else down, you demoralize women with your bully tactics that demasculinize men in a flawed attempt to make women appear stronger. It doesn’t work. They say “behind every strong man is a strong woman”, but the truth is that those with true strength of character seek to build others up without regard to any of the biological or mental health factors referenced when accusing someone of bigotry.

The Bible teaches us to love our enemies and to repay evil with good (Matthew 5, Luke 6). Laws intended to reverse discrimination are examples of repaying evil with evil. When governments allow or even encourage Black Lives Matter zealots to return an act of racism with far more bloody murders of police officers who had nothing to do with the initial injustice, evil is repaid with escalated evil.  Hatred and murder will increase until love pushes back hate.  The idea that good conquers evil or that love overcomes hate was a constant theme in Martin Luther King Jr.'s speeches.  The Civil Rights movement of the 20th century did just that, winning equal rights for women and citizens of color. The successes of the Civil Rights movement are to be regarded highly and protected carefully.

However, as C.S. Lewis wrote, “[The devil] always sends errors into the world in pairs—pairs of opposites… He relies on your extra dislike of the one to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled.” The modern version of the feminist movement has pushed our culture over to the deep end on the opposite side, creating a new bigotry that could eventually become as bad as the first. Just as racism and sexism led people to withhold the right to vote from blacks and women, racism and sexism lead voters to choose a candidate or employee simply because that candidate fits into one of these “protected classes” without considering their actual job qualifications.

When race, color, gender, gender identity, sexual preference, and all the other classes I'm forgetting from the diversity unicorn are the only considerations, unqualified candidates are elevated into positions of responsibility they are not ready or equipped to handle effectively. Consider Katherine Archuleta who was selected as the Director of the OPM largely because she was a Latino female, the first for this office. Her unwillingness to respond to system security warnings and her inept management skills resulted in the largest and most dangerous security breach up until that time, involving the theft of over 22 million American’s most confidential personal information. Such epic failure in managing national security information was only recently topped by Hillary Clinton with her mishandling of top secret and classified emails. Despite Hillary’s long list of felonies and epic failures of Benghazi sized magnitude, many voters still chose her as the first woman to represent a major party for the presidential election simply because she was female. She has even touted her gender as a primary qualification for the presidency as if that should matter at all. Obama won many votes not based on merit or ability but because he was father was African. Americans have suffered greatly under these three leaders who have brought shame on the genders and races they represent.  I want someone with integrity, proven ability, and dignity to represent women. It is better to wait for a good representative than to settle for an inept and/or corrupt one.

Give us equal opportunity, not easy access to positions we do not deserve. If we are to continuously improve, we need natural consequences and obstacles in our path to refine us and make us stronger.

³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, (Romans 5: 3-4)

When you remove those obstacles, you impede us from developing the character, grit, confidence, integrity, perseverance, and drive required to make meaningful contributions as both leaders and servants to our communities and country, representing our gender well, with courage, character, and integrity.

"Count it all joy...when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 2: 2-4)

If you want men to respect women, try doing something thoughtful or speaking intellectually to keep others focused on your heart, spirit, and mind instead of dressing immodestly so as to draw attention to your body (shout out to Lena Dunham and Kim Kardashian who post nude photos/video whenever they feel lonely or want more attention).  Stop whining and blaming men for all the troubles you bring on yourself. We know a tree by its fruit. If you act like a spoiled, entitled brat or a shallow, fragile snowflake, you probably are, and by displaying yourself in that manner, you objectify women in the eyes of men while demeaning women who carry themselves with dignity and honor.

Fake feminists create micro-aggression movements and then try to feel offended by them.  They file petty lawsuits, make excuses, and place unreasonable demands upon others. True feminists value women and femininity while also encouraging and building up the men in their lives. They see themselves as God sees them, uniquely gifted for a divine purpose with equal standing before the Lord as men have but with different but equally valuable roles. A virtuous woman (see Proverbs 31) develops and uses the strengths God has given her for the benefit of others. She filters feedback from others, absorbing the truth while letting the misguided opinions of others roll right off of her. She faces challenges with courage and determination, accepts responsibility for herself and for those entrusted into her care, and makes a lasting impact in this world and for the kingdom to come. 

True Beauty

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30, ESV)

My daughter and I just finished a Bible study with other liked-minded moms and daughters to prepare our girls for adolescence. As I have watched these preteens become less like little girls and more like young women, Proverbs 31:30 has echoed through my teaching and prayers for them. They are growing up in a culture where the voices all around them scream the opposite. “Physical beauty and seductive charms will get you what you want,” chants the father of lies. “If you show enough skin, you’ll get lots of attention and feel loved and adored,” he whispers, “but first you must lose weight, change your nose, add lash extensions, enhance your lips, add implants, tan evenly, grow thick long hair, and wear expensive clothing and jewelry.” These lies lead women down a dangerous road of deception, distraction, desperation, disappointment, disillusionment, dissatisfaction, defeat, and destruction.

Chasing after false beauty (office.com)

The world’s definition of beauty is external, expensive, ever-changing, exhausting, and impossible, though there are plenty of cosmetologists, fashion merchandisers, weight loss product marketers, and plastic surgeons ready to transform every woman into something she is not until she forgets who and whose she really is. Desperate for attention and validation, she becomes consumed with perfecting beauty. Instead of pursuing Christ who truly satisfies and following His plans for her life which reap eternal fruit, she becomes distracted by vanity.

The Hebrew word translated “vain” in the ESV phrase “beauty is vain” is הֶבֶל (hebel). Strong’s Concordance defines “hebel” as “emptiness or vanity; figuratively, something transitory and unsatisfactory.” The NIV translates the word in this verse as “fleeting”. The Gesenius' Hebrew-Chaldee Lexicon describes hebel as “breath… often used of a gentle breeze” as in Isaiah 57:13. While a makeover, new outfit, or day at the spa or salon may feel refreshing like a gentle breeze, neither lingers very long. Before I catch my next breath, my make-up runs, my pores clog, and another gray hair appears. Even costly surgical procedures or Botox injections must be repeatedly redone because nothing man-made can ultimately stop the aging process. Yet, the enemy of our souls pressures women to keep chasing so they’ll be too distracted by meaningless vanity to follow God and impact hearts and souls for eternity.

As the deceived woman projects her false persona, spewing scripted charms while compromising self-respect, truth, and modesty, she does indeed draw attention. Other ladies will notice her and likely feel jealous and insecure, while guys will be drawn to her for all the wrong reasons. She charms others into her lair without realizing that she is the one being trapped in a snare. Enjoying all the new attention and feeling a sense of control over others, she fears losing it. So she becomes a slave to her beauty treatments and to whatever her suitors demand from her. She lures others with her external beauty and her seductive charms, yet she deceives herself into believing that they will love and cherish her unconditionally for who she really is inside. When her suitors manipulate her, use her, and quickly abandon her, she feels disappointed, disillusioned, depressed, and defeated. If she had valued inner beauty, authenticity, and integrity instead of superficial, fleeting, outward adornments, others would have noticed her as a person to be cherished instead of as an object to be used.

This pattern of deceptive charm and fleeting beauty leading to destruction is so familiar that Ezekiel personifies Tyre as a beautiful mistress when prophesying of her coming destruction. Tyre’s obsession with her own outer beauty and charms brought forth her destruction. (Ezekiel 27: 3b-4) God gave Tyre her exquisite beauty, yet she became proud. She was so distracted by all the attention she was getting and the wealth she was producing that she traded God, the source of all her greatness, for corruption.

 Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth; I made a spectacle of you before kings. (Ezekiel 28:17) 

True and lasting beauty is internal, not external. Instead of adorning ourselves with expensive clothes, jewelry, and beauty treatments, we should instead wear a gentle and quiet spirit that is wholly submitted to God first and then to our husbands (if married). Ironically, by possessing a beautiful, gentle, submissive spirit, Esther had to endure a year of exhausting external beauty treatments before being presented as a candidate for queen. Yet, her inner beauty stood out among all the other women and won her favor among everyone she met. When she was given the opportunity to choose an additional adornment to take with her into the King’s chambers to make herself more attractive to him, she chose nothing more than what the eunuch advised. By removing the distraction of external adornments, her inner beauty was put on display and won the heart of King Xerxes, who had previously only chosen women according to their external appearance to suit his carnal desires. He cherished Esther as one more valuable than eye candy. He loved her as a person with a beautiful mind, heart, and soul. (Esther 2)

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (1 Peter 3:3-4, NIV)

In English translations of the Bible, “beauty” is often used to describe God’s glory on earth. Perfect beauty is only glimpsed in His presence, for only He is altogether beautiful (Psalm 50:2).

One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. (Psalm 27:4) 

Christ’s beauty was not reflected in His outward appearance as he walked on earth (Isaiah 53:2), but God’s glory within him radiated outward and pointed others to God.

If beauty comes from within, and God’s glory is perfect beauty, then by seeking Christ, submitting to the Lord’s work in our lives, and being filled with His spirit, we reflect His radiant beauty. Unlike external beauty which fades with time, our inner beauty increases as we grow in relationship with Christ.

Beauty is not something we make for ourselves through man-made products and services. Beauty was woven into every person’s perfect design by Creator God for His glory and good purposes. He knit us together in our mother’s womb. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139: 13-14) If He is the essence of beauty, then by making us in His own image and likeness (Genesis 1: 26), He made each one of us beautiful. Not only did He make us beautiful, He made us flawless! (Song of Songs 4:7)

Jonny Diaz reminds us of these truths through his song, “More Beautiful You”.  Selected stanzas follow. 

Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart,
And you were made with such care, 
your skin, your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are.

There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, 
they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do,
So there could never be a more beautiful you.

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man, but He's got another plan,
Only wants what you will do instead.

The following closing prayer has been excerpted from Praying Proverbs 31: prayers for a daughter'svirtue by Tracy Glockle.

Father, may our daughters not confuse vanity for beauty or be distracted by the attention of others. Though, in a world obsessed with appearances, they may receive more praise for their appearance than their character, keep their heart attuned to Your praise. Help them to keep the priority of an attractive appearance in its proper place, to realize that serving others and glorifying God are not dependent on a hair style or make-up. May their desire be that others remember them for their character and their God rather than for their jewelry or their clothes.  Father, our prayer is that they would not dress to meet a standard but that they would clothe themselves from a motivation of love and worship of You. Help our daughters to see that their beauty is yet another way of bringing honor to You, and that it goes much deeper than what others might immediately see. 

Devotion originally written for Providence Baptist Church, Women's Ministry series on Proverbs 31.

For further examination of this issue as it pertains to modesty in dress, 

we recommend the Pool Modesty series which begins here.

Pool Modesty (Part 4): Teen Talk

Part 3 of this series on modesty discussed key principles for training a child’s heart to value purity and modesty. While a child's dress may be of great concern to a parent, the core concern should be the motives of the child's heart. As teenagers transition from childhood to adulthood, they begin thinking more independently and making their own decisions. Parents should celebrate when their teens make good choices and pray fervently when they do not. Parents face the added challenge during the child's teen years of guiding their teen into the way of righteousness without becoming too controlling. Christian parents must daily entrust their children into God's loving protection even when God's timing and plan are not what they would prefer.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Seasoned parents note that ideally, the parent and teen should work together to establish modesty standards for their family using Biblical principles and selfless motivations. After humble prayer and careful examination of the Biblical precepts regarding modesty (see part 2), each family should establish a clear standard before shopping for swimwear. Each family may have a different standard, so Christians must be careful not to judge others.

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One standard set by Christian families is to disallow bikinis. A teen girl is more inclined to accept this standard if it has been consistently modeled all along by her mother. It also helps if the mother has always avoided buying bikinis for her daughter. While babies and toddlers do look adorable in two-piece swim suits that show off their cute round bellies, teen girls may question why bikinis suddenly became unacceptable once they reached adolescence. Hannah, a local Christian teen, explained her reasons for supporting the "no bikinis" rule in her recent blog post entitled, "Staying Cool at a Pool While Not a Fool".

Higher Ground Summer Camp has a no two-piece swimwear policy for their pool. The exception is if the two-piece is worn with a cover-up. Some families have established standards that exclude two-piece or one-piece swimsuits that cover no more than underwear. For other Christian families, bikinis are acceptable in the privacy of their own pool, but shirt and shorts or skirt must be worn in mixed company, and posting bikini photos on the internet is strictly forbidden.

Tankinis that cover the belly and do not have deep V-neck cuts worn with swim shorts or skirts are a popular compromise for Christian families. Land's End and Lime Ricky offer a variety of modest yet fashionable tankinis, shorts, and skirts. The Swim Outlet also offers a great selection of tankinis and board shorts.

Rash guard shirts, sold by rashguardshirtco.com and The Swimwear Outlet, are modest options for both guys and girls. These shirts are popular because they provide excellent sun protection in a trendy surfer style. Families who choose a more modest standard will appreciate Swimmodest.com which offers cute swimwear that covers the shoulders, thighs, and tops of the arms while providing superior sun protection. Swim Modest's women's swimwear look like a cute tropical sundresses. The men's line includes fashionable long trunks and swim shirts. Perhaps the most modest swimwear provider is Wholesome Wear.

What if a parent and a teen cannot come to an agreement regarding an acceptable standard for swimwear?  Some parents have noted the increased risks of skin cancer associated with immodest clothing. Other parents remind their teens that immodest swimwear is often uncomfortable or awkward to wear. Skimpy swimsuit wearers must be careful when they walk or bend so as not to reveal more than they intend. They must also use caution when swimming or diving lest the swimsuit shift out of place or fall off completely. Parents have asked their teens if they would feel comfortable shopping at the grocery store or answering a knock on the front door while wearing only their underwear and then asked how wearing a bikini to the pool is any different. Christian parents have also asked their teens probing questions to address the heart of the issue. For example, a parent might say, "I understand that you want to wear a bikini. Can you explain to me why you would feel better wearing a bikini than a more modest swimsuit?" Parents who remain calm and genuinely seek to understand the child's heart in the matter are usually better able to address the core issue and help the teen uncover her true motivations. When the teen still insists on following her own way, then the parent must pray and steadfastly trust the Lord to work on her heart in His perfect timing.

Romans 8:28(NIV)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Pool Modesty (Part 3): Parenting Principles

When seasoned parents were asked to share practical advice for training children to make wise choices regarding modesty, they listed prayer as the most important and most effective thing parents can do for their children. They also noted that parents should focus on helping their children understand that they have are priceless, intended for purity, and their father's priority.

Priceless
Parents can begin training a child’s heart to prefer modesty during the child’s earliest years. Parents must help their children understand that they are lavishly loved by God and have infinite worth in His sight. Singing songs like “Jesus Loves Me” together as part of the child's bedtime routine helps reinforce this truth. While little children may be too young to comprehend the ultimate price Christ paid for them on the cross, when John 3:16 and other Bible verses about God’s love are repeated to them often during childhood, the reality of their infinite value begins to take root in their hearts.

When a little girl enters the princess stage, she is especially receptive to learning that as a daughter of the King of Kings, she is the ultimate princess. Since fairy tales tend to place far too much emphasis on outer beauty, parents should help children understand that true beauty comes from within. Kathryn O'Brien’s book, I’d Be Your Princess: A Royal Tale of Godly Character, is an excellent book to read to girls at this age because it teaches girls to value inner character over outward beauty. Kids love this book because it includes beautiful illustrations and a fun imaginative narration. O’Brien also wrote a companion book for boys entitled I’d Be Your Hero: A Royal Tale of Godly Character.

Purposed for Purity
Once girls being to understand their infinite worth in Christ, the implications of God's possession of them become more apparent.

1 Corinthians 6:20
You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

God purposed His people for purity. Parents should teach each child that his or her body belongs to God and is a gift that should be protected and kept pure for his or her future spouse. Teens can look on ebay and quickly observe that used items are priced much lower than brand new items sold in-the-box. If God paid so high a price to purify His people from their sins, why would anyone want to do anything that would devalue himself or herself in the eyes of man? Those who dress or act immodestly are throwing off the box and allowing their bodies to be used by multiple people as "eye-candy" or worse.

One parent used a rose analogy to teach his daughter to value modesty. Roses in full bloom are beautiful. When a woman exposes her body, it is like plucking off rose petals to share with others. As a result, she will not be able to bring her full bloom best to her forever mate. It would have been much better if she had safeguarded her petals by purposefully remaining pure.

Another parent instructed his daughter by taking her outside to observe nature. They noted together that in nature, the male seeks to impress the female. For example, the male peacock struts with his feathers out to get the female's attention. Men should pursue women instead of women trying to attract men. A godly man may notice a woman dressed immodestly, but he will seek a more modestly dressed and virtuous woman to become his wife.

Proverbs 12:4
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Helpful books regarding this subject include Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot and Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America by Jeff Pollard.

Papa's Priority
Parents must never underestimate the role of the father in helping their daughters value modesty. Counselors at crisis pregnancy centers have noted that most of their clients come from homes where the father is either physically or emotionally absent. Girls who do not receive the love, attention, affection, and affirmation they earnestly desire from their fathers will go to great lengths to get this attention, affection and affirmation elsewhere. These girls quickly learn that nothing gets a boy's attention faster than dressing immodestly. Unfortunately, the attention each of these girls receives is usually not the healthy kind that her heart desperately needs, so she ends up with a broken heart and all too often, an unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. Fathers must make conscious efforts to tangibly express love to their daughters. Spending quality time with his daughter must be a father's priority. His daughter still needs his affection when she is a teenager. She needs to hear him praise her and tell her how much she means to him. Additionally, a faithful father who honors his wife and values purity sets a wonderful example for his daughter of the type of man she should consider for marriage some day.

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Once these three principles are in place, a teen girl is more likely to choose modest clothing. However, nothing parents do can guarantee that their daughters will make wise choices regarding personal modesty, so parents should avoid false guilt over that which is beyond their control.

The last installment of this series will address the scenario in which the child rejects the parents' standard for modest dress.

Pool Modesty (Part 2): Biblical Analysis

Part one in this series on pool modesty looked at the varying opinions held by parents, youth workers, teen guys, and women regarding the cultural shift toward less modest swimwear. This installment will focus on what the Bible has to say about modesty.

Image by Vortix

The word "modest" is only used once in the Bible within the context of female dress.

1 Timothy 2:9-10 (NIV)
I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

In this passage, women are encouraged not to place too much emphasis on physical appearance and adornments so as to draw attention to themselves. Modesty is associated with "decency and propriety", but these broad terms do not specifically indicate which parts of the body must be covered or how loosely those coverings should be in any given setting. This passage does make it clear, however, that a woman's focus must be on worshiping and serving the Lord rather than herself.

The Bible teaches that true beauty comes from within. The ministry, Revive Our Hearts, published an article entitled, True Beauty, which contrasts attention to inner beauty, which pleases the Lord, with outer beauty, which pleases the world. While the Lord judges the heart and not the outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7), the way a woman dresses and attends to her physical appearance is reflective of the motivations of her heart. This article includes a "heart checklist" to help a woman determine whether she has made outer beauty or inner beauty her priority.

1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

The Bible exhorts men not to look at women lustfully and even goes so far as to equate lust to adultery.

Matthew 5:28 (NIV)
28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

So, if a Christian woman strives to put others before herself, is the Bible suggesting that she should choose clothing that is least likely to tempt a man to lust?

Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV)
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.

Christian parents and youth workers point to Luke 17:1-3 for the answer. No one can walk through life without facing temptation. Trials in life are a given. Nevertheless, Christians are called in this passage to avoid becoming stumbling blocks for fellow believers. Since men vary in their degrees of perceived temptation, women cannot always be certain that they are not causing someone to stumble. However, women who are concerned for the men around them can use common sense and pray for discernment as they decide what they will wear in public.

Luke 17:1-3 (NIV)
Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So watch yourselves.

Another popular passage of scripture that Christians reference regarding disputable matters is Romans 14. Each Christ follower, while granted perfect liberty in Christ, may impose upon himself or herself additional personal restrictions for the glory of God. When someone lays down a liberty out of personal conviction rather than Biblical mandate, then that person must not impose his or her conviction onto someone else. Each person is individually accountable to God. This passage in Romans teaches believers to commit the matter to the Lord and make choices based on a desire to honor Him. Each person must remain true to his or her personal Christ honoring convictions without casting judgment upon others.

Romans 14:13 (NIV)
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.

One woman may consider a tankini to be appropriate dress for a community pool while another may insist on nothing less than a loose-fitting rash-guard tee with knee-length shorts or skirt. Some men have trained themselves to look away and can avoid lustful thoughts at the pool while other men find it necessary to stay away from the pool altogether. Each person's standard may be different, but what matters most to God is the motive of the heart.

Romans 14:19 and 22 (NIV)
19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

Part 3 of this series will share principles for training children to value modesty.


This series was published by Examiner.com and is being republished with permission.

Pool Modesty (Part 1): He thinks....she thinks...

Discussions and debates about pool modesty surface every summer.  Many Christian parents, youth ministers and even teen boys are frustrated that the culture has established such skimpy swimwear as the norm for female pool fashion. Many bikinis are less modest than underwear. Some one-piece swimsuits are just as revealing as bikinis with dramatic cut-outs, low necklines, and high cuts around the hips. Guys also face modesty conerns of their own as they don regulation jockey style swimsuits for swim team. While these suits reduce friction in the water, some boys admit feeling embarrassed and quickly pull on shorts whenever they finish their laps.

By Rufino Uribe via Wikimedia Commons

If skimpy swimwear is the social standard in America, why are people so upset over it?   If America is a land of freedom and personal liberty, standing as the antithesis of those countries requiring women to wear burkas, why should it matter what people wear at the pool? Are Christians concerned only about the outward attire, or is the fundamental problem a heart matter?

This series of blog posts on pool modesty will address the following concerns:

• How does a woman’s immodest dress affect guys?
• Why should Christian women concern themselves with this issue if it is a man’s problem?
• Why do women wear skimpy swimsuits?
• What Biblical principles relate to pool modesty?
• What are some helpful tips for parents as they address this issue with their children?
• What attractive yet modest swimwear alternatives are available?
• What books or other resources offer additional guidance on this issue?

Dictionary.com defines “modesty” as “freedom from vanity or boastfulness”, “decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.”, and “simplicity or moderation”. One Christian mom referenced the following quote from an unknown author when attempting to define modesty.

“If what you wear draws attention to your face and thereby is a way to point others to Christ through your spirit, then you are modest. If, however, how you dress draws attention to your body and away from your face, then that is not modesty."

Men are extremely visual by nature. When a guy sees a woman dressed in revealing swimwear, he does not typically or readily focus on her face. For some guys, it takes a skimpy bikini to get him focused on her body. For other guys, a tankini is enough to send his thoughts away from her face. College pastor, Sammy Adebiyi, wrote an impassioned and blunt plea to women to dress modestly and to stop posting bikini pictures on Facebook in his piece entitled Bikinis, Soft Porn, Masturbation & Facebook. He explains that a man tends to view a scantily clad woman as a “piece of meat”. When a man is focused on a woman's body, he does not think about her person. Many Christian men struggle to look away and keep their thoughts pure when surrounded by bikinis at the pool. One local teen asked his mother, “Why do girls have so little respect for the boys at the pool?” Another young guy nearby implored his parents not to get a pool membership this year. He would rather give up swimming than be surrounded by temptation.

Lisa Bloom, author of the secular book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, is alarmed by the effect that society’s emphasis on physical beauty is having on the female mind and on her role in society. She describes ways to gradually shift this focus away from the body to the mind in her article, How to Talk to Little Girls. By drawing attention to their physical bodies, girls are inadvertently dehumanizing themselves. Inanimate things are pretty and delightful to the senses. All living animals are sexual in some form or fashion. But only a human being possesses a logical mind, dynamic emotions and an eternal soul.

Most teen girls dress immodestly at the pool simply because it is the social norm without considering how their attire could be serving to devalue them in the eyes of men. Wearing a bikini will certainly draw a guy’s attention, but it is usually not the type of attention that girls desire. Girls want to be cherished and loved, but guys may perceive a girl's immodest dress as an invitation to misuse her body in their minds or through physical touch without any regard for her heart, spirit or mind.

Many girls, regardless of their degree of perceived physical beauty, feel self-conscious while wearing a bikini. However, as they see others around them, including Christians and mature women, dressed in skimpy attire, the initial discomfort eases as their hearts grow accustomed to that style of dress, just as watching violent or profane movies repeatedly will numb the mind and heart to shocking material in the future.

Some women choose less modest clothing because they have gone to great lengths to achieve an attractive toned body, and they are eager to show off their achievements to everyone else. These women feel like their efforts deserve to be rewarded with admiration from others. Instead of inspiring admiration, however, their public display often just makes other women jealous while causing men to stumble into lustful thoughts.

1 Corinthians 15: 12-13 teaches that Christians have no right to judge unbelievers, and they must be careful not to argue over disputable matters. God does not judge His people by their outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7), so choice of swimwear is not a salvation issue. Many young women simply do not understand how their attire could impact the spiritual battles facing men. Others recognize that each guy has his own unique set of issues, so living in such a way as to never make someone stumble seems impossible. Should women even consider how their clothing choices affect men?

Part 2 of this series explores that question from a Biblical perspective.

This series was originally published by Examiner.com and is being republished with permission.