The most important decision anyone will ever make in life is the decision to accept or reject Jesus Christ as both Savior and Lord. Choosing to believe that Christ is the Son of God and the promised Messiah who fulfilled over 300 Old Testament prophecies, was crucified for the sins of all the world, was buried and raised again and later ascended into Heaven and then surrendering one's life to His Lordship as a lifelong follower of Christ is the decision that determines one's entire eternity (Romans 10:9). We each must decide whether we will opt for the temporary pleasures (with long term consequences) of this world and go our own way with the result of spending eternity separated from God and all that is good, or if we will let Christ rule over our hearts and lives while growing in intimacy with Him and looking forward to spending all of eternity in heaven with Him. That choice seems rather obvious, but few make the right one.
For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. (Matthew 7:14)Post Topic: Is He the Right One for Me?
The second most important decision a Christian young lady will make is choosing the one person she will marry. The Bible doesn't give us specific details (like his full name and phone number, sorry!). Instead, Scriptures paint a picture of what a godly husband should look like, and God's word also vividly describes the perfect (unattainable, but worth pursing) wife and mother in Proverbs 31. The process of making this choice is one that can draw us closer to Christ and build our faith like no other if we will seek Him for guidance ourselves instead of relying solely on man-made match making tools.
As I have been doing research for another writing assignment, as I have reviewed the the details of my long and arduous journey toward marriage, and as I have prayed over so many young unmarried women as they were seeking an answer to the question, "Is he the one?", I have been compiling a list of questions to ask when faced with a possible marriage proposal. Should you say yes or no? Is this man a suitable marriage partner? Is this man God's choice for me?
Before you begin evaluating your potential suitor, it is important to first do a self-evaluation. Are you progressively becoming the type of woman a godly man would want to marry? Are you growing in love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, kindness, and self control (Galatians 5:22)? Are you growing in knowledge, wisdom, and discernment? (Note the verb used here is "growing" without expectation of fulling achieving these qualities this side of heaven.) Are you content in Christ alone even if God's will is that you remain single? Are you praying and seeking the Lord in this decision? Can you honestly pray with sincere faith, “The Lord will accomplish what concerns me. Your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever....” (Psalm 138:8) If you cannot answer the previous questions in the affirmative, do not pursue marriage at this time. If you have prepared your heart and are living free and content in Christ, then consider the following questions (as a starting point) when suitors come to call.
- Does he pull you closer to Christ or does he pull out your flesh? (This question is a paraphrase of words written by Alyssa Ann Welch when quoting her father.) This first question is of vital importance. If the two of you are drawn closer to Christ and are more effective in ministry together than you are apart, this relationship is worth pursuing. If physical attraction is what primarily draws you to him and is the focus of your relationship, bringing out the worst in each other instead of pushing you closer to Jesus, flee the relationship! Don't just walk away from it; you need to RUN! Physical attraction is certainly necessary for a healthy marriage, but it must not be the only thing that attracts you to each other because externals do not last and fleshly attraction can easily lead to moral compromise and deep regret. Ideally, physical attraction builds as spiritual, emotional, and intellectual attraction increases. (Romans 8:5-6)
- Is his faith growing and active with evidence displayed through maturation of character and insight? If he's going to be the spiritual leader of your family, be absolutely certain that he has made a genuine lifelong commitment to Christ and that he is faithfully seeking to be conformed into His image. Do not be unequally yoked! (2 Corinthians 6:14)
- When you pray about the relationship, do you sense within your spirit that God is smiling down on you, or is peace absent? Pray fervently for a clear green light or a stop sign. Do not proceed with the relationship until your heart is at peace without making excuses or trying to justify the relationship to yourself or to others whom you respect and know have your best interests in mind. (Philippians 4:7)
- Has he asked you to compromise in any area of personal conviction, or does he respect your beliefs and encourage you in your commitments? The one for you will encourage, challenge, and inspire you in your pursuit of Christ so that like a triangle with you and him representing the bottom two angles, as you move closer to God (represented by the third angle at the top of the triangle), you will grow closer to each other. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
- Does he know what Biblical manhood is and accept the call (with faith in God's power to do all things)? Is he mature, independent, and ready to accept the responsibility for leading, protecting, and providing for a family? If he isn't ready to leave and cleave, or if he has shown signs of dependency upon you or others, move on without him, or step back until he grows more mature.
- Do you love him for what he gives you or for what you can give him? Would you be willing to love and serve him sacrificially even if an accident or tragedy were to take away his mobility, sight, hearing, vision, mental awareness, etc.? Has he demonstrated unconditional love for you, or do the words, "I love you" role off his tongue without any sincere commitment behind them? Does he cherish you or make unreasonable demands upon you? If he sees you as anyone less than a sacred, infinitely loved, child of the King of Kings, then he is not the one for you. He should treat you like the princess that you are. Real love that lasts sacrifices oneself for the other. Unconditional love is a prerequisite for a healthy, Biblical marriage, for the marriage relationship is to be a reflection of Christ's love for the church.
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25)
- Do you enjoy spending time together doing nothing except simply communicating? Can you communicate openly and honestly for hours without ever wanting to stop? All the activities you enjoy together now may not be feasible as you enter new stages and phases of life, but healthy communication will keep the marriage vibrant and fun through any phase or stage. A failure to communicate effectively is also one of the primary sources of conflict and divorce. If you communicate well, your marriage is more likely to thrive.
- Do you respect him enough to honor, obey, and submit to him as the church should submit to Christ? (Ephesians 5:24) Are you satisfied with him just as he is now or do you secretly hope you can change him? People may change with time, but it is never the wife's job to change her man. Love and respect him for who he is now, and pray for God to mold him into His perfect plan for him while keeping your personal preferences to yourself. If you can't accept him as he is now or begin to see him as God views him, you are not the right woman for him.
- Do your parents approve? A parent's disapproval doesn't have to be a marriage proposal deal breaker, but often, our parents know us better than anyone else. They have lived longer, gained more experience, and collected wisdom that gives them a more balanced view that you may not have while your vision is clouded with the emotional ups and downs that come with young love. Listen objectively to their input, but ultimately seek Christ alone for His will and His confirmation of your marriage choice.
- Does he treat his mother, your mother, grandmothers, sisters, or other women in each of your lives with the love and respect you would expect from him as your husband? How he treats others will predict how he will ultimately treat you. If he is rude, condescending, disrespectful, foul-mouthed, arrogant, or selfish toward them, he will treat you no better, for such behaviors reflect a heart consumed with selfish pride.
- Do you see any red flags that might signal potential abusive behaviors in the future? If he is easily agitated, quick-tempered, or over-controlling (of your time, behavior, relationships, decisions), beware! If he is prone to addictive behaviors or excessive jealousy, disregards your boundaries, tends to be overly critical or uses harsh words, pressures you, lacks self-control, refuses to accept responsibility for his own behavior while blaming others, or raises his voice or his fist at you, then run away from him and don't look back.
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